I beat your dog…
                          

in a game of checkers!


You have a tiny penis…
                                  

compared to a blue whale!


The world is going to end…


but at least there won't be anymore Ryan Seacrest


All the cake is gone…


into my belly!


Those shoes look ugly…


compared to your godly body!


You look like the Predator without makeup…


but after a few drinks…strong ones…DANG!


I went to jail…


in Monopoly…twice…tried to roll doubles…I'm a dumbass.


I got food poisoning…


actually, there is no good way to spin that.