YAAAAWN. Alright, let's get ready for class. Sneakers, check. Ironic Stick Stickly shirt, check. Hartford Whalers hat that I pretend is ironic but actually wear in hopes that they will come back, check. Books, fuck it. And, last but not least, heh-heh, shorts. Yup, Good Ol' Bill always wears his shorts. No matter the weather, you can always count on Old Faithful here to have on a pair of-Jesus Christ, what does that thermometer say? 6? Is that in Celsius? No, no, this is America, not one of those communist metric countries. Well shit. I mean, yeah, I always wear shorts, but 6 isn't a temperature, it's my little sister's shoe size. And as the old saying goes, "When it's as cold as a shoe size, wear pants." Ha ok, that's not a real saying. How about if I can think of a real saying that has to do with having to wear pants when it's below a certain temperature, I'll wear pants, and if I can't, I'll stick with shorts. No, that's stupid, no important heterosexual has ever said anything meaningful about shorts. Wait, why did I say "heterosexual?" Does that make me a homophobe? I mean, I didn't watch that Queer Eye show but I don't think that had anything to do with the gay people, I just didn't get cable. I guess I could've bought it on DVD but oh come on stop thinking about this, you know you're just using it to distract yourself from thinking about the shorts issue. Ok, you know what? Fuck it, I'm going for shorts. I've gotta go for shorts. I'm going to bio, and there's that hot Delta girl there with the great boobs who always looks at my shorts and smiles when I walk in, and everyone knows that smiling is just like 7 or 8 steps away from boning or learning her name or whatever, and there's no telling how long I'd delay that if I wore pants today. So here we go
(Guy Who Always Wears Shorts puts his favorite pair of shorts on and begins his brave walk outside)
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK it is SO cold outside. Why didn't I just apply to some college on the equator? Sure I probably would've had to learn Spanish or start dealing cocaine recreationally but at least IT WOULDN'T BE THIS FUCKING COLD! Ok, ok, just take it easy, you're almost there. Just a few more minutes. God, can you imagine how impressed that girl is going to be? She's probably just going to straight up blow me in the middle of class. EPIC. Ha wait, wait, I don't think I can feel my left foot. Isn't that a sign of frostbite? Come on, man, think back to what you learned in those two weeks of Boy Scouts no, no, it's ok, it's ok, I made it, I'm here, I made it, time for my classmates to revel in all my awesomeness. Especially yes! There she is!
(Hot Delta Girl quickly smiles at Guy Who Always Wears Shorts before resuming texting her boyfriend)
Worth it. Totally worth it.