Correct me if I'm wrong, but deep down, Valentines Day is one holiday we all hate. Aside from another opportunity for girls to propogate the rumor that it's "only the thought that counts," it's a time for single people to feel lonely and couples to fight. However, I felt it would be helpful to give a simple, concise gift guide to all women interested in giving something of real value to their men. Read on and please remember, if you buy into the whole Valentines Day as a commercial holiday nonsense, sex is always a failsafe way to say "I'll always love you."

Alcohol

Alcohol is a welcome gift at anytime in a relationship, even if it may be the cause of most of that relationship's problems. Whiskey lets us know you respect us both as a rugged individual and a southern gentleman. Tequila communicates your appreciation of our wild and spontaneous spirit. Wine is a tribute to our romantic temperament. On the other hand, please take note that any gift of flavored vodka is an insult, as well as a great way to end what could have been an intimate, life-long relationship.

DISCLAIMER: As mentioned above, alcohol will typically create just as many problems as it can solve, so remember that you'll have only yourself to blame if your significant other drunkenly berates you after he's reached the end of the bottle.


Food

There's an old adage that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. This could not be truer because, like another great gift girls can give their men, we enjoy receiving pleasure with little to no physical exertion. Food is one said pleasure. It doesn't matter if you're on your first date or if you want us to start to "get serious," preparing a home-cooked meal for us is a major resume builder. The gift of food shows us that you care enough to slave over a stove to make us happy as well as reminding us of our own in ability to make anything but ramen and grilled cheese.

DISCLAIMER: Focus on preparing a relatively light meal. Steak is good; as well any type of pasta dish, but feeding us too much can turn this romantic evening into just another night we fall asleep on the couch watching your favorite TV show.


Lingerie

Although we might say we don't care, and in all honesty what lies beneath is of much greater importance, sexy lingerie is just too damn sexy to ignore. It highlights what first attracted us to you and plays on the whole sexual fantasy thing. If you're too cheap to spend money on your man, lingerie is the perfect, albeit indirect, gift. You're essentially spending money on yourself, and if it doesn't work out with the guy you're dating this Valentines Day, it's a gift you can keep giving, failed relationship after failed relationship.

DISCLAIMER: We will tell people that you did this. We'll tell our roommates, our close friends, people we know in class, and probably anyone who will listen. Don't worry though, we still, like, totally respect you as a woman and all.