Epitaph to Last Night: A College Rhyme

Walk up to the door,

smile at a girl.

Tonight ends with a whore

but not if I hurl.


Five bucks to get in

if you're not a hot babe.

This extortion's a sin,

but I lay down an Abe.


The dude takes the rent.

This fee makes me sick,

but it's money well spent

for the sake of my dick


I slide through the crowd

in search of some beer.

The music is loud.

Frat boy calls me queer.


The keg is a mess.

The pump's been detached.

Is this hurdle a test?

Gotta get me some snatch!


But no girls are here.

The alcohol is gone.

To the right, my gaze steers.

Po po's lights are all on.


Perhaps drinking at home,

this night was more suited.

I'll stroll back alone,

this party's concluded.


A ring on my cell,

what else can go wrong?

More personal hell

to add to this song.


The voice in my ear,

to my consternation.

Shouts, "beer bong's not here,"

with much exclamation.


Our favorite toy

stolen from us.

Life's devoid of joy.

No one can I trust.


This tune's way to rhymey.

It goes on forever.

Haiku'd be more timely

than this sad endeavor.


With my pencil retired,

no more Dr. Seuss.

My luck has expired.

My efforts, no use.


A vow I do pen

and solemly swear.

Never again,

this pain shall I bear.


A party next day.

I swore I was through,

but if chance for a lay,

sign me up for two.