Hey guys, it's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Plus, as an extra bonus to you the viewer, for the next two weeks we'll have a double dose of Roommate Confessions! Be sure to check back this Thursday for the second one, and don't forget to submit your misdeeds here.

I live in a suite style dorm, and me and my 15 roommates play a game called "hide the sausage". Nothing sexual, we literally just hide a nasty old breakfast sausage around in each other's stuff: under hats, in bottles of pills, etc. I found it in my pillow case and I hid it in my buddies jacket pocket. The jacket he wears every weekend when going to parties. I won't be here this weekend, so I hope you enjoy the surprise I left you when you go out Saturday night!
Ty, University of New Haven

I was okay with you trying to save money: that's why I added a line on my cellphone plan for you. Two months later you bailed for the "cheaper" 3000-net min plan and made me pay half of the early termination fee. But thanks for telling me that your awesome new plan includes zero offpeak minutes: every other night when you fell asleep, I called the apartment phone through your cell and left it on the entire night. I loved hearing you complain to customer service about being over 1300 minutes your first month. What I loved even more? Hearing you tell your parents and girlfriend you couldn't talk long because you didn't wanna go over your minutes.
Hass H., LSU

I live with three of my friends in a four bedroom apartment and we got assigned a random roommate named Ronald. Ronald ate all our food, never cleaned, never showered, used our laundry detergent, never paid his rent on time, and fed his family and girlfriend with our food. Since we were all on separate leases, if anyone didn't pay rent on time the office would send out reminders and eviction notices. He received about 3 a month. When we all finally had enough of him my roommates and i started throwing away all his eviction notices so eventually he forgot to pay his rent and got evicted in the middle of the semester. Have fun being homeless.
John Porker, The University of Oklahoma

Sean. You're a wonderful guy, but living together means sharing responsibilities. Like washing up. Or buying new toilet paper. Or not having your idiotic girlfriend over and stealing my parking spot. So I know you're a vegan and made me get a separate fridge for my meat and beer, but you can't keep cooking that foul-smelling crap before you go to class at 6 in the morning. So you remember that one time that your tofurkey tasted so delicious? I took it upon myself to smear everything that belonged to you in the fridge with my bacon. And your door handle. And your toothbrush. Isn't veganism delicious?
Jimmy English, The College of New Jersey

You leave the heat on 90, and it gets to the point that it so hot that I can't breathe and can't sleep at night and miss my classes the next day. Your hair is EVERYWHERE and when I ask you to clean it up you claim it's mine even though our hair is a completely different texture/color/race. You cook stinky food and then don't do your dishes until they're so moldy you have to throw them away, and on top of that you are a fake, lying bitch who enjoys telling me what a bitch I am and how it's okay that your friends treat me like shit but I better not defend myself or I'm the jerk. So me and my best friend replaced your hair oil with FISH Oils. If you didn't smell so bad in the first place you probably would have noticed by now, 'cause everyone around you definitely can.
LW, University of Texas



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