Guess what, kids! This week has been No Cussing Week! Didn't you feel like the world was a more wholesome and beautiful place? Oh, you didn't because you were too interested in all the effed up (see that?) stuff that's been going on with Rihanna and Chris Brown? (D-Listed)

Let's recap: Chris Brown beat the shiz out of Rihanna. Now they might be married. I forgot to mention that it's also Make Some Fudging Bad Decisions Week. Maybe I should have decided to lead with that. My B. (CelebSlam)

Also making bad decisions this week was the totally too-hot-to-care Megan Fox. Remember how she and that 90210 dude broke up? Well, don't get your delusional hopes up just yet. She and David Silver were seen buying furniture together. Furniture. Need I say more? (Celebridiot)

This week hasn't been awful for everyone though. Gisele Bundchen married Tom Brady and Adriana Lima married someone whose name I've already forgotten. So that's good news, right? Super hot chicks getting hitched, going off the market… It's a good thing you guys never had a shot in hell with them anyway! (Ninjadude, Derekhail)

Now that you feel miserable and depressed, take a look at this illegal cleavage! Here's why you don't have to feel bad about drooling over Miley's boobs: she definitely wants you to look. It might look like she's just going for a regular old jog and that those scoundrel papparazzi took advantage of the situation, but let me point out a few fishy details: 1) Bikini top. No one who is going for a legit jog wears a bikini top. 2) Jean cut-off shorts. No one who is going for a legit jog wears jean cut-off shorts. 3) No one goes for a legit jog. I rest my case. Oggle away. (Egotastic)

If you still feel gross about staring at a 16 year-old, I've got something that will make you feel like a teenager again: pictures of Britney Spears looking hot. This is not a drill people. Go put on your bombest Skechers and get your tips frosted because the late 90's are back. (Celebridiot)

Lindsay Lohan wants to convert to Judaism for Samantha Ronson. What's next? Is Madonna going to make her new boy-toy Jesus convert too? Huh, Madonna and Jesus. Where have I heard those names before? God, that's going to bother me all day. (Celebslam, DListed)

While Sarah's out I'm going to try and introduce a new feature to this column (that's cool, right Sar?) called Recession Obsession. This week's Recession Obsession is Miss Paris Hilton. She is going to show a complete disregard for the crumbling economy one diamond encrusted dashboard at a time! (WWTDD)

And, finally, you know how Oprah can't win anymore Daytime Emmys because she is just so great that she kept winning them all and was totally smothering the competition? No? Ok, there's a chance I made that up. It seems logical though. Either way, this week's Still Got It is a very special, Let's Just Bet That She's Always Going to Have It and it goes to the one and only Amy Winehouse. You never disappoint. (Celebslam)