Ethan: We're here live for the nineteenth day of the Big East Tournament! Doesn't it seem hard to believe that there's only three weeks left until the conference has a champ?
Amir: Then we'll be finally ready for some April Madness!
Ethan: Now that St. John's is out of the tourney, though, Knicks fans can get back to watching what they're used to: out-of-town teams winning at the Garden. What conference tourney are you most excited for?
Amir: Probably the ACC. You know, I caught half of the Maryland-Wake Forest game last week, and even the mediocre teams in that conference can put up a fight! Anything is possible.
Ethan: Maryland's mediocre? That's a Greivis insult to the Terps' skills, sir. I'm with you on the ACC being the best tournament, though, followed by the Big East and the Big 12. (The SEC came in just behind the Patriot League in my rankings) Who do you like in the ACC? I want to say Wake, but UNC looks too tough.
Amir: Yeah I like UNC to win the whole thing, so I'm definitely picking them to win the ACC tourney. Ty Lawson reminds me of a collegiate Jay Williams, sans motorcycle.
Ethan: One last ACC question: is this Duke team ugly even by Duke standards? Singler, Scheyer, Paulus
this is a real pack of mutants.
Amir: I'm not going to get involved in your tobacco road muckraking. I think all basketball teams are equally (un)attractive. I'm just excited to start hearing names like College of Charleston, Belmont, and Weber State again. Spring has sprung!
Ethan: You mean you haven't been following Siena all season?
Amir: Too busy rooting for Coppin State
Ethan: Quickly, who's winning the Big East and Big 10?
Amir: Pittsburgh and whoever can score in the high 60's.
Ethan: High 60's? Are the 2006 Suns suddenly in the Big 10?
Amir: Speaking of the 2006 Suns, here's a rhetorical question, what's more entertaining to Suns fans: Shaq's twitter or the D'Antoni era Suns?
Ethan: Shaq's twitter, and it's not even close. The D'Antoni Suns were great, but they were nowhere near merciless enough in their mocking of Andrew Bogut.
Amir: I agree, I can watch any team lose in the conference finals, but only Shaq's twitter can provide me with such hilarious jokes as "A Rastaman walks n2 a bank & hands the teller a bag of weed. She says "Sir, what is this 4?" Da Rasta said, "Mi wan open a joint account!"
Ethan: Do you think he's ever considered hiring Penny Hardaway to type out his entries?
Amir: Yeah, I mean his tweets are almost incomprehensible but imagine typing on a blackberry the size of a tylenol gel-tab and you'll understand why.
Ethan: At least it gives Suns fans something to be excited about. How are they totally out of the playoff picture, but the Bulls are right on the fringes?
Amir: If Phoenix was in Michigan instead of Arizona they'd make the playoffs too. Though I'm sure it's not worth the cold weather to watch your team get swept out of the first round by the Cavs or the Celtics. Who do you think will win the East this year? The Big Three or the Chosen One?
Ethan: I can only assume the "Big Three" you're mentioning is Andrea Bargnani, Chris Bosh, and Shawn Marion. So I'll take them in a mighty Raptors comeback.
Amir: Don't forget Candace's bro: Anthony Parker.
Ethan: Thank God the World Baseball Classic has settled this "What's the best baseball country?" debate between the Netherlands and the Dominican Republic. Maybe Dominicans will start relocating to Holland to get noticed by scouts. You guys will love the tulips and the easily-forged birth certificates!
Amir: What is this the equivalent of in the MLB world?
Ethan: I think it's bad news for Royals fans. The Netherlands may have used all of the baseball world's upset luck for one year.
Amir: Royals fans don't need any more bad news. Here's some bad news for Dodger fans: You just spent $45M on a player that Jonathan Papelbon calls "a cancer." I didn't know Jonathan Papelbon knew words with more than one syllable so he must be serious.
Ethan: He actually gave the quote through an interpreter.
Ethan: Papelbon just gave out a series of primal grunts and yells until the reporter got what he needed. Can you believe nobody wants Pudge Rodriguez? I would have thought there'd be a huge market for a guy with steroid suspicions who can't hit.
Amir: Maybe there's a minor league team who can sign all of these guys. Pudge, McGwire, Bonds
start a tour for athletes who grew older and bigger.
Ethan: Sort of like Bull Durham, but the opposite. And Susan Sarandon wouldn't go anywhere near any of them.
Ethan: Got an interesting fact for us?
Amir: Elgin Baylor averaged 25 points and 15 rebounds his rookie season. It has nothing to do with anything really, but that's a lot of points and rebounds for a rookie.
Ethan: Yet he still found time to offer Chris Kaman a $250 million extension that season. The guy was a pro.
Ethan: Until next week, get excited for basketed balls!
Amir and Ethan also run StraightCashHomey.net: A random jersey blog.