Hey, are you in class right now?  Clearly the material is captivating since you're reading this instead.  My advice?  Pull a James Franco and go for the full-on dozer.  Stars – they're just like us (in 8am Western Civ class)! (DListed)

Let's do what we came for, shall we?

Joaquin Phoenix attacked a heckler this week, adding yet another stop on his tour of crazy.  I feel like we're in the Truman Show here.  Joaquin is Ed Harris and we're all Jim Carreys and one day we're going to find out his beard is fake and everything will come crashing down.  Or he's just insane. either way. (IDLYITW)

John Mayer dumped Jennifer Aniston this week for the second time, leaving her single yet again.  When asked why, Mayer said the problem with with her body, in that it was no longer a, quote unquote, wonderland. (IDLYITW)

This week, news broke that Hayden Panettiere has boarded the bitch train, and has been trying to get new ex-boyfriend Milo Ventimiglia kicked off Heroes.  Oh no!  What does this mean for everybody's favorite show*, Heroes!? (WWTDD)

*punchline

Mandy Moore got married this week
to blog personality, once-singer and all-around gross looking dude Ryan Adams.  Seriously, look at this dude.  What is this, a Judd Apatow movie?  If this is the trend, I can't wait to see who Christopher Mintz-Plasse ends up with. (WWTDD)

Today is a rough day, ladies and gentlemen.  Why, you ask?  Because today is the day you realize that there is a baby out there who is richer, prettier and all around cooler than you ever will be.  Thank you, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. (DListed)

On the up side, today is also great day, ladies and gentlemen.  Why, you ask again, because apparently you converse regularly with your computer?  Because this week Amy Winehouse was banned from entering the United States. Amy Winehouse Being Banned From The US:The War on Drugs::The Treaty of Versailles:World War I.  You can rest easy tonight. (DListed)

This week, Madonna woke up and for some reason thought her and her tween daughter Lourdes had switched bodies in some sort of Freaky Friday scenario.  That's the only explanation for this, right? (Celebslam)

Coolio was arrested this week for possession of cocaine, which leads to the inevitable question, Coolio can still afford to buy cocaine?!?  You know what, good for him. (DListed)

And now, time for another Good Idea Bad Idea.  Good Idea, slipping a nipple.  Bad Idea, being Pamela Anderson.  This has been another episode of Good Idea Bad Idea. (WWTDD)

At one of her tour stops this week, Britney Spears encountered a wardrobe malfunction that caused her to yell into a hot mike 'my pussy's hanging out!'  This, in turn, caused us to conjure some of the most beautiful imagery ever encountered in the modern world. (WWTDD)

Okay, so Kanye West's new girlfriend is a Cylon, right?  There is no way that is not a robot who has evolved to look human, right?  Quick, someone have sex with her and see if her spine glows red. (DListed)

Breaking News You're Immediately Going To Wish You Didn't Know: Kelly Clarkson pees in the shower and looks at her boogers.  You're welcome. (Celebslam)

Listen, I'm really sorry about that last tidbit.  Let me make it up to you.  Miss Universe is on vacation this week, and here are pictures of her in not one, but two bikinis.  Now you're welcome for realsies. (IDLYITW, Celebslam)

Cleave of the Week!  There was only one woman this week who went above and beyond, whose cleavage was so extreme that I'm still not even sure it counts, since her boobs aren't actually touching.  You can be the judge. (Egotastic)

And last but not least, this week's Still Got It.  Rachel Bilson's fringe overload made her a serious contender this week, along with a chubby Britney Spears on tour, but a coked-out Kate Moss takes the cake.  The cake being cocaine.  Congrats, Kate!  You Still Got It. (Hollywood Tuna, DListed)