As I strolled down Hudson Bridge Road a sudden glare blinded me without cause. Was it from the heavens perhaps, not so much, maybe it was the bling from the passing Escalades rim’s. Na, he only has factory hubcaps, obviously not a baller…..At last I discovered that the irritating glare was coming from none other than my very own dash board. Which showed low fuel, in other words; broke ass, well after coming to grips with this dilemma I quickly took a turn into the nearest Chevron to rectify the situation……There I got out of the car and was met with the all to familiar realization that not only had my fuel tank dropped like a freshmen’s GPA, but so where my pockets as empty as Jessica Simpson’s scull, what’s a brother to do. And suddenly it hit me; Manifest Destiny.
What is Manifest Destiny you ask, well if you don’t know by now you’re either stupid or went to a remedial public school, whatever the case may be manifest destiny or MD is just another way of saying “ I got dibs on______ ” or “ shotgun” for short . MD is solely responsible for this nation’s 19 century expansion west as well as the extinction of the Native Americans, also known as “savages”. Think about it, when “The Man” stripped these savages of their land, culture, and weed they simply hide behind MD. It seems that MD’s primary function is to provide those that use it as a force field against moral consciousness.
So in the spirit of America, I am now brining back the age old practice of MD. How you ask, well let’s take this gas station situation. If I was to pump my gas and leave without exchanging monies, one could accuse me of stealing, but not anymore. Now you can just put MD into the equation and you’re scot free. Think about the possibilities.
But who celebrates America on just one day, not me; I love America, that’s why I devote my existence to practicing MD everyday of the year.
I think I will begin with my local Mercedes dealership, one E-class my good man, and I won’t be paying for it because God wanted me to have it, just look in the bible, it’s there somewhere, George Bush said so. Next stop, Laguna Beach, there I plan evict Kristin Cavalleri and her parents from their estate. How you ask? Why by simply bringing forth those two magic words. God bless America. What’s that Kristin, you don’t believe in MD, what’s that you’re sad because you now have to move to Compton, listen hear my overly tanned friend, if you don’t believe in MD than don’t believe in America’s principals. That makes you as Terrorist.
Does this new found power work only with material possessions, don’t be silly, just ask the slaves. Brad Pitt, step aside, Angelina’s has now been confiscated in the name of the lord and the American Dream. “And if you can respect that your whole prospective is whack, maybe you’ll respect me when I fade to black” Jay-Z.
Now I know some of you may be sitting back all ruffled up at the logic that I am proposing here, but you’re just being hypocritical. I mean if your not down with MD, how’s about giving Chief Fuckaho and peeps some of the prime real estate you republicans are sitting on. I thought not….. MD; works for me……..