Ethan: Think Roy Williams has stopped crying yet?
Amir: He's just drunk in a bubble bath right now, rewinding "one shining moment" with a remote control and sobbing.
Ethan: As someone who picked Michigan State to lose in the second round, I found Monday night's title game very validating. "See? They were never all that good!" What the heck happened there?
Amir: What happened was a team of future NBA players playing better than a team of people who look pretty good in forest green. The game raised many questions though, mainly "How in the world did they beat UConn?"
Ethan: There's something magical about Tom Izzo, I guess. Which makes sense given that when you see him talking to a player, it looks like a garden gnome having a conversation with an adult.
Amir: I just feel bad for freshman Ed Davis. He's gonna come back to school next year without any friends. "
where is everybody?" "They're all millionaires now, Ed. Now go to class."
Ethan: What, you're thinking a bench player from a Carolina team that wins the title can't be a millionaire next year? The Hawks are probably trying to trade up to draft him.
Amir: Leave Marvin Williams alone. He's about to blossom into an All-Star any season now.
Ethan: Speaking of Carolina guys in the NBA, how do you like Hansbrough's chances?
Amir: I'm guessing he ends up as a slightly more talented Mark Madsen with less dancing ability.
Ethan: Come on, he's much better than Madsen. He seems like a guy who could be a 8th or 9th guy on a really good team or a starter on a really bad one. Also, I think he will break every NBA record for "Most time spent looking really surprised
", most of which are currently held by Tim Duncan.
Amir: Shaq shall call him
The White Fundamental.
Ethan: Let's move on to baseball. I know we're a little late, but want to predict division winners?
Amir: I feel like it's cheating since some teams have all but cliched it.
Ethan: It's actually pretty hard to pick winners in some divisions this year. Like, say, the AL Central. I don't know who's going to win it, but I do know who's going to come out as losers: any fans who have to watch this trainwreck.
Amir: Is it weird that the Angels already have an asterisk next to their name? It says their magic number is "practically anything."
Ethan: Their pitching staff is currently held together with velcro and whatever plutonium Mike Scioscia smuggled out of the Springfield Nuclear Plant. I like the A's in that division. I mean, according to a 2001 copy of the Sporting News I just saw, no team with Jason Giambi and Nomar could possibly lose.
Amir: Who you got in the AL East? And don't say the Orioles again.
Ethan: I'll take the Red Sox since I think the Rays' bullpen will probably regress. The Yankees are obviously going to be good, too, but it just seems like they've got too many questions surrounding them, including, "Was CC eating a meatball sub on the mound during Opening Day?"
Amir: Ah, CC Sabathia fat jokes
it must be April! Or June. Or whenever. I guess he's always fat.
Ethan: How happy do you think Mark Teixeira was that Sabathia laid an egg like that when Tex went 0-4 and left five men on? "What? No, I wasn't pitching. CC's the one you want!" Who do you like in the NL East?
Amir: The Amazin' Braves!
Ethan: As a Phillies fan, it pains me to say this, but I think this is the year the Mets don't choke. The Phils didn't do anything to get better, and it's not like Jamie Moyer is going to keep being good indefinitely. The man was Cy Young's teammate; the magic has to end sometime! My only solace is knowing that Mr. Met only has one ball.
Amir: Any last division predictions?
Ethan: Cubs in the NL Central, and I guess the Dodgers in the NL West. Got an interesting fact?
Amir: Well, you know CC stunk, but did you know he was historically bad? He was the first Yankee pitcher in the live-ball era not to strike anybody out in his opening day start.
Ethan: To be fair, the O's are an offensive juggernaut. Striking out Cesar Izturis or Gregg Zaun?
Amir: Yeah, that's not going to happen.
Ethan: Until next week, get excited for another thrilling UConn women's victory parade!
Amir and Ethan also run StraightCashHomey.net: A Random Jersey Blog.