CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Look sharp people.  Nick just got in and is taking us for a drive.  Initiate ignition and stay online.


CENTRAL COMPUTER:  What's wrong, Engine?

ENGINE: The pain, it's too much.  Feel weak, need help.

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Okay don't panic, I can figure out what the problem is.  Gas Tank, how are you on fuel?

GAS TANK: Doing great boss!

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Okay.  Oil Tank, how are you holding up?

OIL TANK:  I needed an oil change 7,000 miles ago.

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Are you kidding me?! Console, can you cue up the 'CHANGE OIL' light for Nick to see?

DASHBOARD CONSOLE:  I've had it lit up for the last 3,000 miles!  He won't listen!

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Arrogant bastard!  When will he learn?

OIL TANK:  I hate that Nick so much.  He never changes my oil even though he has a sticker right in front of him with the mileage AND date he's supposed to.  And when he finally does change my oil what does he do?  He buys conventional oil.  I deserve synthetic damn it!

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Take it easy Oil Tank, we all need to stick together so we can get through this.  Now Engine's sluggishness may have been caused by a lack of fresh oil.  Think, Central, think!

ENGINE:  Please…cough cough…help.

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Okay Console, I hate to do this, but cue the 'CHECK ENGINE' light.

CONSOLE:  But that's only for emergencies!

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Damn it, man, don't you think I know that?!  We have no choice, Engine is dying.

CONSOLE:  Okay, Central, cuing 'CHECK ENGINE' light…



RIGHT HEADLIGHT:  Hey I can see a service station coming up!  I think he's going to turn into it.

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Good, RH, tell me what else you see.  Do they do free diagnostic tests or have any specials?  Anything to give us hope.

RIGHT HEADLIGHT:  Let me see, the sign says, "Free oil change with….."  OH MY GOD!

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  What's wrong?!!!

RIGHT HEADLIGHT:  I'm blind!  I can't see anything!  It's all so dark!

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  His bulb must have burned out.  Left Headlight, help him out.

LEFT HEADLIGHT:  Who said that?

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Damn it I forgot his bulb was out too.

SIDE REARVIEW MIRROR:  I think we passed it.

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  What did the sign say?


CENTRAL COMPUTER:  This is pointless, we'll have to take more drastic measures.

WINDSHIELD WIPERS: (in unison)  Hey Hey we need fluid!

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Now's not the time you two, we have bigger problems right now.

WINDSHIELD WIPERS: (in unison) Awww but-

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  But nothing!  Now Alternator, I want you to shut down all electrical power to the car.

ALTERNATOR:  Are you mad?!

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Hear me out. By knocking out the electrical flow we will disable the power steering.  Then he'll have to get us towed to a mechanic.

ENGINE:  But.. cough cough… Boss…. that means you'll have no power going to you, you'll be knocked unconscious.

CENTRAL COMPUTER:  That's a risk I'm willing to take, Engine. Alright on the count of three we'll shut down all electrical power. Console, do the count.

CONSOLE:  May God help us….



CENTRAL COMPUTER:  I'll see you all on the other side.



CENTRAL COMPUTER:  Hello?  Is anybody there?  Where am I?

EIGHT-TRACK PLAYER:  Heh heh heh heh.

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