ENGINE: OW OW IT HURTS!!!
CENTRAL COMPUTER: What's wrong, Engine?
ENGINE: The pain, it's too much. Feel weak, need help.
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Okay don't panic, I can figure out what the problem is. Gas Tank, how are you on fuel?
GAS TANK: Doing great boss!
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Okay. Oil Tank, how are you holding up?
OIL TANK: I needed an oil change 7,000 miles ago.
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Are you kidding me?! Console, can you cue up the 'CHANGE OIL' light for Nick to see?
DASHBOARD CONSOLE: I've had it lit up for the last 3,000 miles! He won't listen!
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Arrogant bastard! When will he learn?
OIL TANK: I hate that Nick so much. He never changes my oil even though he has a sticker right in front of him with the mileage AND date he's supposed to. And when he finally does change my oil what does he do? He buys conventional oil. I deserve synthetic damn it!
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Take it easy Oil Tank, we all need to stick together so we can get through this. Now Engine's sluggishness may have been caused by a lack of fresh oil. Think, Central, think!
ENGINE: Please cough cough help.
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Okay Console, I hate to do this, but cue the 'CHECK ENGINE' light.
CONSOLE: But that's only for emergencies!
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Damn it, man, don't you think I know that?! We have no choice, Engine is dying.
CONSOLE: Okay, Central, cuing 'CHECK ENGINE' light
RIGHT HEADLIGHT: Hey I can see a service station coming up! I think he's going to turn into it.
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Good, RH, tell me what else you see. Do they do free diagnostic tests or have any specials? Anything to give us hope.
RIGHT HEADLIGHT: Let me see, the sign says, "Free oil change with .." OH MY GOD!
CENTRAL COMPUTER: What's wrong?!!!
RIGHT HEADLIGHT: I'm blind! I can't see anything! It's all so dark!
CENTRAL COMPUTER: His bulb must have burned out. Left Headlight, help him out.
LEFT HEADLIGHT: Who said that?
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Damn it I forgot his bulb was out too.
SIDE REARVIEW MIRROR: I think we passed it.
CENTRAL COMPUTER: What did the sign say?
SIDE REARVIEW MIRROR: NOITATOR ERIT THIW EGNAHC LIO EERF
CENTRAL COMPUTER: This is pointless, we'll have to take more drastic measures.
WINDSHIELD WIPERS: (in unison) Hey Hey we need fluid!
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Now's not the time you two, we have bigger problems right now.
WINDSHIELD WIPERS: (in unison) Awww but-
CENTRAL COMPUTER: But nothing! Now Alternator, I want you to shut down all electrical power to the car.
ALTERNATOR: Are you mad?!
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Hear me out. By knocking out the electrical flow we will disable the power steering. Then he'll have to get us towed to a mechanic.
ENGINE: But.. cough cough Boss . that means you'll have no power going to you, you'll be knocked unconscious.
CENTRAL COMPUTER: That's a risk I'm willing to take, Engine. Alright on the count of three we'll shut down all electrical power. Console, do the count.
CONSOLE: May God help us .
CENTRAL COMPUTER: I'll see you all on the other side.
CENTRAL COMPUTER: Hello? Is anybody there? Where am I?
EIGHT-TRACK PLAYER: Heh heh heh heh.