After reading that title, it may come as a shock to you that my my political views are not in the slightest bit conservative.  I think gays should be allowed to legally marry, I think guns are too easy to buy, and I'm a fan of abortion (due to a wayward click on a facebook group – if anyone could tell me how to undo that it would be greatly appreciated).  It may then come as a surprise that Fox News recently became one of my favorite channels (after The Food Network of course), especially since I don't even like watching the news.  So why is Fox News my new favorite channel?  Partly because it's like watching a 24-hour episode of The Daily Show, but mostly because it's just so damn entertaining.  Here are my top 5 reasons:


5. They're convinced they aren't a member of "the media".


I was watching Glenn Beck's program the other day and he was polling his studio audience on a series of questions that I won't go into because they were extremely boring and I wasn't actually paying attention.  But I did catch on to the fact that as he was trying to explain something to his audience he kept repeating the phrase "what the media doesn't understand".  He used it a lot, and in the past few days of watching Fox I've realized that they all use that phrase. 

I've come to the conclusion that there are only two reasons that this would happen: 1) Everyone at Fox is completely delusional or 2) Fox only hires people who talk like Elmo/Bob Dole.  Pat can't decide which one Pat's leaning toward.




4. It's impossible to tell if they're being sarcastic.

I never consider my Fox News viewing experience complete until I have a moment of utter confusion about whether they're being completely serious or totally sarcastic.  To make things worse, I consider myself a generally sarcastic person and feel like I should be able to detect these things, but I can't when it comes to Fox. 

Warning: another Glenn Beck example.  On Earth Day  a few weeks ago, Glenn Beck had someone break a flourescent light bulb to show how much of a hassle it was to clean it up.  They broke it outside because it was apparently too dangerous to do in the studio.  Then he had one of his producers put on a hazmat suit and told him the ridiculous things he had to do to clean it up.  The whole time I was watching this segment, I honestly couldn't tell whether he was being ridiculously sarcastic and pretending to overreact or if he was seriously trying to inform his viewers of the dangers of breaking one of the bulbs.  If you watch the video, it's full of great quotes like "This is more dangerous that drinking a vat of ebola" and "One false move and we have to evacuate the whole place".  I don't know what their real motives were for breaking the bulb, but at this point I'm about 73% sure Glenn Beck is a total asshole.



3. They try to convince me that absolutely ridiculous ideas are true.


This sort of ties in to my inability to tell if Fox News is being sarcastic, but it seems like every time I turn it on they are trying to convince me that something utterly ridiculous is true.

At first it started with "there is no such thing as global warming".  Fine, I said, it may be disregarding ridiculous amounts of scientific study, but climates have been known to change in the past.  Suddenly it was "Obama is leading this country to socialism" and it all went downhill from there.  When swine flu first came out they told us that Obama was using swine flu as a front to push political agendas that might be unagreeable. Even better than thay was when they tried to convince me that harnessing wind energy would be bad for the environment.  They're definitely just screwing with me now.  Are we sure Fox News didn't get bought out by The Onion?  Either way it's pretty hilarious.




2. Their slogan is "Fair and Balanced".

Imagine if the KKK's slogan was "Respectful of All Peoples" or if PETA's slogan was "We always make sure it's real fur before we throw red paint on you and ruin your day".  It sounds ridiculous because neither of those things are in any way true, but that's the same way many people feel about the Fox News slogan.

To this day, Fox refuses to acknowledge any bias, but it doesn't take much to realize what makes their slogan so hilariously ridiculous.  Do a quick youtube search for Bill O'Reilly.  Scroll past all the videos of him flipping out on the set and find one where he's interviewing a guest (preferably a liberal one).  Then watch as he completely dominates the "fair and balanced" conversation by interrupting the person, putting words in their mouth, and shit talking them after he cuts their video feed.  It's actually pretty awesome




1. They have ridiculously hot reporters.
Personally, I'm a big fan of the ladies.  Especially good looking ones who read the news.  And let's face it, all those other points I just made don't really matter when you're too busy checking out the legs on Courtney Friel to listen to what's coming out of her mouth.  When it comes to Fox it's probably better that way anyway.  By now you're probably just wanting to see some pictures, so I'll leave you with this link and the following photo.  You're welcome.