Commander: Lt., what the hell happened out there? I'm getting reports of massive causalities from all units. I thought we were up against just one man!
Lt.: Yes, sir. It was a massacre.
Commander: What's this I'm hearing about an explosion? I wasn't aware Bond had gained access to our explosives.
Lt.: He hadn't, sir. Lt. Smith was pursuing the target armed only with proximity mines- just throwing them right at him. Things got ugly when Smith got stuck in a corner. Damn things blew him straight to high hell.
Commander: Of all the unbelievable-
Lt.: Smith had never been to that level before, sir, and those corners are difficult to spot. It wasn't really fair.
Commander: But why in God's name was he unarmed?
Lt.: Sir, if you'll recall, we no longer equip our men before combat. It's much easier to just leave guns and ammo lying around on the battlefield.
Commander: How did we lose the others?
Lt.: Well, sir Bond retrieved the Golden Gun.
Commander: He found the Golden Gun? Did you leave it in a dark corner like I asked?
Lt.: Yes, sir.
Commander: How dark?
Lt.: Very dark, sir.
Commander: Damn. There's no way we could have foreseen this. Well, were you at least able to eliminate the target?
Lt.: Well, sir, I was able to corner Bond once he ran out of ammo. I had him point blank.
Commander: And ?
Lt.: He fell to his knees and began to slap me. So I ran.
Commander: You ran from an unarmed man?
Lt.: Yes, sir. It's damn near impossible to hit a man on his knees. And he was slapping me very hard.
Commander: Son, I'd like you to forget what you've seen here today. I'm writing you up as mostly harmless and ending this discussion.
Lt.: Thank you, sir.
Commander: And, son?
Lt.: Yes, sir?
Commander: Your head is enormous. Get that checked out.