In the 1970s, shit went down. People panicked. Everyone was scared and no one quite knew what to do. Danger was everywhere, but it was an invisible danger. Then, it faded. And everyone was fine.

Thirty years later, the fear came back. This time, it's worse. The panic is everywhere. People are freaking the fuck out. But, seriously, guys, why? Your chances of getting the Swine Flu are like one in a bazillion.

But just to be safe, let's hide from our neighbors, put on a face mask, stay inside, and watch Lost!

Here's what went down this week, in a bullet in the leg:


Jack and Kate are taken to the Others camp and beaten badly. Eloise believes their story, and she and Richard take them to the H-bomb. On the way, Sayid joins the party, and Kate's like "Fuck this shit; I'm going to go help our friends." Dr. Chang gets Miles, Jin, and Hurley to tell him that they're from the future, and per Daniel's request, starts evacuating people (women and children for now) from the island. Sawyer and Juliet are tortured by Radzinsky, who wants to know where Kate and the Others are. They finally (we think) fess up, and Sawyer, Juliet and Kate are put on the sub to leave. In Locke World, John, Sun and Ben find Richard. John takes Richard to give time-traveling John Locke some advice. Then he takes the entire camp of Others to find Jacob, so he can KILL HIM.

Here's what we learn:

1. Wow. Miles realizes that his dad wasn't a dick after all. He "left" Miles and his mom to save their lives. An emotional twist more than a plot twist, but either way, I didn't see it coming. They made us think he was a real douche.
2. Violent episode. Both Sawyer/Juliet and Jack/Kate are beaten up. Badly. I guess ABC is a-okay with violence, but they get all Disney on our asses when someone from In the Motherhood wants to make a tampon joke.
3.Shit was always rocky between Widmore and Eloise. How adorable.
4. We still don't know if things can be "changed." We do, however, know that these things that people are doing in the past DID actually happen (i.e. Miles' dad DID actually "leave" him). In other words, we haven't yet seen anything that doesn't fit in to the present that we are familiar with. Correct me if I'm wrong on this, but if there are, in fact, different timelines that exist, so far everything that has happened fits onto one line. So why then, do we think there are still alternate lines? I think it might just be one line that happens over and over again.
5.Next week is the season finale. Holy shitballs, you guys. Bad news. I'll be away from a tv, so I can't write your Lost Column on the day it is most important. Apologies. I'll ask Streeter from CH to find a replacement writer. If not, please post your comments next week under this article so I can hear what you have to say!
6. Richard Alpert, all these years, has waited for Locke as if he were some kind of Messiah. Is he? Or is it becoming clear that maybe he's just a crazy man who happens to travel through time?
7. Richard can somehow tell that John Locke has died. He knew that there's "something different about (him)," even if he wasn't sure exactly what it was.
8. Sun will stop at nothing to find Jin. Richard tells her that he remembers Jin and the rest because he watched them all die. WHAT! So, maybe the bomb IS set off?
9. Who knew Jack would one day sound so much like John Locke? He really thinks that the reason they're back on the island is to set off the bomb and stop this all from happening. But Kate is sad because this means she and Jack will have never met.
10. Dharma built their village over the buried bomb. Maybe that's the reason why Ben gets cancer later in life. And probably something to do with baby mamas dying. And maybe also why Roger and Dr. Chang are so cranky all the time.
11. Phil hits girls.
12. Hugo was right. Someone asked him who the President was.
13. Okay, so as I've said before, I think our islanders are replaying a constant loop that they forget each time. But they do have suppressed memories of it. That's why Hurley picked those lottery numbers, for example. He knows those numbers very well. Old point, but I wanted to discuss it.
14.I'm still confused as to how Locke knew the exact time to find his time-traveling self. When he was time-flashing, how did he know the date, time, etc when Richard finds him with the bullet wound? The island told him? Too vague. Also, here's a confusing question: when we were time-flashing earlier in the series, could time flashes happen to the past AND the future? (as in post-2004?) I thought when we were time-flashing that it was only through the past. But wouldn't this episode prove that Locke flashed to the future? That is, to 2007, where he is now?
14. Locke and the gang are on their way to Jacob, who I'm assuming Locke thinks is Christian. But is it?
15. Radzinsky has some serious complex. He's gone bonkers and proclaimed himself in charge.
16. When Sawyer's a gentlemen (i.e. "Get the women and children out of here."), it's HOT.
17. Juliet's dream of living a hippy honeymoon lovefest with Sawyer in the world of the 1970s was crushed by a last minute 3rd wheel.
18. Sayid's entrance? Classic.