Do not panic. The rashes are normal.
"Ithaca is Gorges." Ithaca is known for two things: bad puns, and high suicide rates. Coincidence?
Arranged MarriageDo your parents like my parents? Check Yes or No.
I love eating baby carrots because they satisfy my needs for vitamins and infanticide simultaneously.
I don't kiss and tell, but I f*cked a girl last night. I can tell you that because I made it clear no kissing.
It was so beautiful out this weekend, I woke up extra early on Saturday to paint my windows black.
Every camera is disposable if you're apathetic enough.
My girlfriend claimed to have 4 orgasms last night.I think she's lying but I wasn't there to confirm or deny her claim.
HolidaysDoes Samuel L. Jackson celebrate Motherfucker's Day?
Petition to my UncleI want my fucking nose back.
When I'm naked in a locker room, I like to speak in a British accent. I'm trying to make people think that British people have small penises.
Last night I got screwed by some guy who sold me 30 dollars worth of what turned out to be oregano That's the last time I'll go to a complete stranger to buy cocaine.
Wouldn't it be ironic if someone drowned in Lifewater?