Why It Sucks:
How to kill a multi-billion dollar superhero franchise? Camp, rubber nipples, and enough homoeroticism to sink a frat house full of bodybuilders. Also, bat-skates. It would take Chris Nolan's dark, gritty reboot The Dark Knight to make Batman a billionaire again. (Also, to make people instantly sick of the phrase "dark, gritty, reboot.")
Why It's Good High:
An Oscar-winning performance, a compelling narrative, and meditations on the nature of right and wrong. Bright colors, cartoonishly exaggerated set pieces, Alicia Silverstone's cleavage. One of these lists spells "stoner bait", the other has Maggie Gyllenhal whining so much that you just want someone to tie her to a chair and set her on fire (too soon?). If you need any more convincing of B&R's unique charms:
Aqua Teen Hunger Force is like your 4-year-old cousin. He's pretty entertaining in small doses, but after twelve minutes of Wonder Pets recaps, you're sick of him and his older brother, who, your parents keep reminding you, just got into Stanford Law, and isn't just writing jokes about late 80s cartoons for the Internet all day. Wasted degrees aside, good in large doses ATHF is not.
This one's easy. Combine a THC-enhanced tolerance for nonsense with a deliberate non-plot and jokes that are funnier the fewer questions you ask, and one could argue that ATHFCMFFT is the perfect stoner movie. It never matches the genius of the first three minutes, but let's be honest - were you really going to pay attention to anything else?
Remember that predictable crime drama starring Jennifer Lopez and an unfunny("skinny") Vince Vaughn? The one that was 70% a Silence of the Lambs rip-off? You do!? Why, Miss Lopez, I had no idea you visited our littlecomedy site.
Theby-the-numbers serial killer hunt also contained some of the mostcreepy-yet-gorgeous visuals ever to appear in a suburban multiplex. It's like someone filmed a Dali acid trip, then cut it into a sub-par episode of Law and Order:SVU to make it more palatable to the masses. A small sample of the parts of the movie you shouldn't skip:
In the mid-90s, show business fell in love with professional athletes. They had all of the marketability and charisma of famous actors, but none of their prissy demands for "good directors" or "scripts that took more than 22 hours to write". Thus, a film about a rapping black genie who lives in a boombox, an idea that didn't even look good on the cocktail napkin on which it was first drunkenly scribbled.
As those who read Shaq's Twitter know (Sample entry: Ok i admit it i at performance enhancing frosted flakes 2 yrs ago, lol), the man's a secret comedy genius. Stoned, Kazaam is revealed to be not just some blatant Space Jam-era cash grab, but a delightful Dadaist romp, the full realization of the NBA center's progressive creative vision. Also, the rap. Oh God, did I mention the rap?
One day, someone will explain the appeal of Donnie Darko to me in a way that doesn't make me want to punch them in the face. Until that day, there's director Richard Kelly's follow-up film, which features a compellingly weird vision of the future and Sarah Michelle Gellar as a porn star. Unfortunately (for those still here with pants on), its plot is complete gibberish to anybody but Kelly himself.
"No way, this plot makes perfect sense," said stoned me. "Now shut-up, there's more future pictures and Buffy the Vampire Slayer is here. Anybody want to watch Donnie Darko next?"
Why It (Will) Suck:
It's being produced by The Asylum, a company who's main gig is producing shoddy versions of existing blockbusters, giving them similar titles (Transmorphers, I Am Omega), and marketing them to confused grandparents. Think about that: These are the people who made a worse Transformers.
Why It (Will Be) Good High:
Because if you gave a six-year-old a million dollars, Virtua Fighter-level CGI, and access to Lorenzo Lamas, this is the film he would make. Are the producers, with the ridiculous title and premise, self-consciously marketing this film to the stoner college kid demographic? The correct answer is, "The shark, because he has teeth."