Whoops. You forgot to study for your finals again this year. As your cool uncle would say, so what? In an foolproof twist of irony, here's how NOT studying for finals can actually help you pass. It's (sort of) true! You scholar you.

Chemisty: It's the night before your chemistry final and you haven't even cracked the book. First things first; pop an adderall. As soon as you feel the 9 parts Carbon, 13 parts Hydrogen and 1 part Nitrogen start to increase your brain function, sit down and-OH SH*T, SON! Nevermind, book, because you just learned the chemical effects of amphetamines first hand. Now, take that newfound concentration and go beat your roommate's record of consecutive chair spins. With dopamine levels like that, you can't lose.

 


 

Neurology: After a sleepless night of cramming for your Western Civ final at 9am, you're on your way to your 11am Neurology final with nothing prepared. Man, you're really starting to feel the effects of a lack of R.E.M. sleep. It's like your temporal lobe isn't activated at all, your neurotransmitters are firing slower than usual, and you're having trouble with words. Oh, I'm sorry, did I just hear an accurate list of the neurological effects of sleep deprivation? The answer is deppfiatley.




Business: Your business final this year is a 10 page paper, but the only thing 'Capitalism' means to you is the typeset on Kayne West's blog. So you look into buying one of those pre-written papers. What!? There are only two Business papers available, and they're $200 a pop?! Oh come on, these Communication papers are only $5 and there's a million of them! It's as if they think that a low supply allows them to capitalize on a high demand and-oh. Oh, I see. If you'll excuse me, I have a paper to write, and this one won't be in all caps.

 


 

Psychology: Despite an entire week of pre-final study time, you have yet to start studying for tomorrow's Psychology final. Well hey, don't start now! Every reason for your procrastination yields another solid test answer. You didn't want to deal with the anxiety of starting a task? BOOM. You're afraid to fail? GOLD. You were feeling overwhelmed? HELLO. Your alter-ego Mr. BurgerPants told you not to? Well hot damn, if that's the case then you're looking at an A+, my friend. Er, friends.

 


 

Philosophy and Logic: Your Philosophy final is minutes away, and you have no option left but to jerry rig some kind of last minute excuse. Okay. So your roommate left for the semester this week, heading home to California. However, unbeknownst to him, your Philosophy books were in his car. Therefore, your Philosophy books are now on their way to California. Well hold on to that logically sound excuse, Mr. Suave, because if A is That Excuse, B is A Brilliant Use of The Transitive Property, and C is You Passing This Test, then by the transitive property A equals mother f*cking C.