At a job interview
Interviewer: Let me just say first off, thank you for coming in on such short notice. At this point, we're just trying to see as many people as possible.
Carl: Oh no problem, thanks for having me.
Interviewer: It's a tough market out there.
Carl: Sure is.
Interviewer: Now, forgive me if I pronounce this wrong, but your name is Carl Dambrozinski?
Carl: Um, actually, that's from my resume from a few months ago, and since then I've decided to change my name.
Carl: It's actually much easier to pronounce now.
Interviewer: Oh good. (laughs)
Carl: (laughs) Yeah I now go by Nazi Carl.
Interviewer: Ah Alright, um, well Carl, this is pretty much an entry level position-
Nazi Carl: -Carl is actually my last name now, so, if you don't mind, I would prefer to be called Nazi Carl, or just by my first name, which is Nazi.
Interviewer: So, Nazi Carl, with who did you speak at the corporate office??
Nazi Carl: You mean "with whom" did I speak Sorry, I should warn you, I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi.
Interviewer: I don't think this is going to work.
Nazi Carl: Is it because I'm a Nazi?
Interviewer: It's not that, we're just going to go in a different direction.
Nazi Carl: Thank you for the opportunity.
Interviewer: And on behalf of the law firm of Katz, Rosenberg, and Lieberstein, thank you for expressing interest. Have a nice day.
Nazi Carl: You too. Also I'd like to say Heil Hitler.
Interviewer: Please don't say that again.
Nazi Carl: Mein bad.
Interviewer: Or that.
On a blind date
Nazi Carl: So, do you go on a lot of blind dates?
Susan: Not really, they're always so awkward.
Nazi Carl: I agree but when Ben said we'd be a good match, I figured I'd give it a shot, and to be honest, I'm glad I did.
Susan: Well thank you those are some interesting buttons on your jacket.
Nazi Carl: Thanks.
Susan: So it's safe to assume you're a Nazi?
Nazi Carl: Oh, I probably should have told you when we talked on the phone.
Susan: It's OK. So how did this all come about?
Nazi Carl: How did what come about?
Susan: You being a Nazi.
Nazi Carl: Oh, well I've been taking my son to rallies since he was little, his mother's a Nazi, and then last week I decided to go in and check it out and I liked what I heard.
Nazi Carl: Plus I've always been something of a Jew-hater, so
Susan: I'm sorry, but while you were in the bathroom earlier my babysitter called and said she had to go home. I'm so sorry, but it was nice meeting you.
Nazi Carl: Likewise. Maybe I could call you sometime?
Susan: Probably not.
Nazi Carl: There's no babysitter, is there?
Nazi Carl: Was it the hating Jews thing?
Susan: It didn't help.
Nazi Carl: I should probably save something like that for the third date.
Susan: Have a nice life.
Nazi Carl: You too Sorry about hating Jews! Aaand she's out the door.
At a nightclub
Nazi Carl: DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?
Girl: DO YOU HAVE A SWASTIKA TATTOOOED ON YOUR FOREHEAD?
Nazi Carl: YEAH, I JUST GOT IT A FEW DAYS AGO AFTER A HORRIBLE BLIND DATE .IT WASN'T CHEAP, EITHER 2,000 BIG ONES BUT IT CAME OUT NICE, SO I GUESS IT WAS WORTH IT, RIGHT?
Girl: ARE YOU, LIKE, A NAZI?
Nazi Carl: YEAH, I'M NAZI CARL, NICE TO MEET YOU . SO DO YOU HAVE ANY TAT- OH, I SEE, WALK AWAY MID CONVERSATION YEAH, THAT'S COOL 'CAUSE I BET IT'S EVERY DAY THAT YOU MEET A GUY IN THIS ECONOMY WITH ENOUGH MONEY TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD SOMETHING LIKE THIS, RIGHT?
At a Halloween party
Nazi Carl: So what are you supposed to be?
Girl: A sexy cat.
Nazi Carl: Ahh, well it's definitely working.
Girl: Um, thanks. Your costume's pretty offensive, don't you think?
Nazi Carl: Oh this isn't a costume, actually I didn't even know this was a Halloween party.
Girl: I'm gonna go find my friends.
Nazi Carl: I can't say that I blame you.