11:39 p.m.: Arrive at party

11:53 p.m.: Begin drinking heavily

11:54 p.m.-12:27 a.m.: Mingle

12:28 -12:46 a.m.: Shmooze

12:47 a.m.: Face and hands go numb

12:48 -1:05 a.m.: Talk to strangers, convinced thatI know them "from somewhere…or something…."

1:06 a.m.: Make new friends!

1:07 -1:10 a.m.: Talk to cute (I hope) girl by the fire

1:11 a.m.: Rejection!

1:12 a.m.: Angry boyfriend!

1:13 -2:00 a.m.: No more shit to mix the rum with, that's for pussies. Real men drink straight from the bottle

2:01 a.m.: Girl says she needs to use someone's car. Give her the keys

2:02 a.m.: Climb tree

2:03 a.m.: Throw things at people from tree

2:04 a.m.: Fall out of said tree


Unknown: Wake up in fire pit


Unknown: Vomit uncontrollably


9:31 a.m.: Wake up covered in vomit and blood only to discover that my car is missing and I can't remeber who I gave the keys to

9:32 a.m.: Waffles!