And now, the thrilling conclusion to A Conversation With My Left Hand After Breaking My Right
Righty: Free at last! Free at last! Thank this nurse, I am free at last!
Me: Good to have you back. How was it in there?
Righty: Dark and scary, but warm
kind of like Atlanta. I'm sorry, but I couldn't find a restroom, so I sort of had to leave some dead skin cells on you.
Lefty: Oh don't worry, I'll wash that right off in the shower! You look a little stiff Righty, should I sign this medical bill?
Righty: Nah, it's cool man, I got it.
Me: It's so good to have you writing again.
Lefty: But, my writing is neater than that! If you keep using me, who knows how strong we could become?!?
Me: You're a slow learner and whine a lot though. Righty, can you open this soda for me?
Lefty: Careful bro, don't want to hurt yourself.
Righty: Ha, that was too easy. Feels like I've been doing it my whole life.
Lefty: YOU HAVE BEEN!!! I went through all this work these last weeks and for what? For you to just come back like nothing is new and push me to the side again?
Me: Oh Righty, did you notice that you got some plates and screws in you? You took a big dive for me that day, who knows what could've happened to me without you.
Lefty: He's got bling now too? Why don't I get bling? This is unfair. He takes a vacation, I did all his work, he comes back, takes over what is now MY job, and I go back to butt scratching duty?
Righty: You're good at that though. Plus it's kind of nasty down there. I'm used for a lot of things so I can't be touching down there. Infact, you can continue the wiping duty, I never enjoyed it, but you're good at it now.
Lefty: No, you can go back to wiping! That's not fair, none of this is.
Me: I like that idea. Lefty, you're in charge of wiping.
Righty: Thanks. So uh, where's that girlfriend of yours? I could go for seeing her and touching her beautiful, soft hands.
Me: Oh, you didn't hear?
Righty: Hear what?
Lefty: Nothing, nothing to hear at all.
Me: She broke up with me.
Righty: Aww that sucks. We all looked so good together. What happened?
Lefty: Nothing happened.
Me: Well, you know how at stores there's sometimes two doors and one says "Please use other door", and you never go in through that door or you'll get yelled at.
yeah? Lefty didn't
Me: He entered that door.