And now, the thrilling conclusion to A Conversation With My Left Hand After Breaking My Right

: Free at last! Free at last! Thank this nurse, I am free at last!

Me: Good to have you back.  How was it in there?

Righty: Dark and scary, but warm… kind of like Atlanta. I'm sorry, but I couldn't find a restroom, so I sort of had to leave some dead skin cells on you.

Lefty: Oh don't worry, I'll wash that right off in the shower!  You look a little stiff Righty, should I sign this medical bill?

Righty: Nah, it's cool man, I got it.

Me: It's so good to have you writing again.

Lefty: But, my writing is neater than that!  If you keep using me, who knows how strong we could become?!?

Me: You're a slow learner and whine a lot though.  Righty, can you open this soda for me?

Lefty: Careful bro, don't want to hurt yourself.


Righty: Ha, that was too easy.  Feels like I've been doing it my whole life.

Lefty: YOU HAVE BEEN!!! I went through all this work these last weeks and for what?  For you to just come back like nothing is new and push me to the side again?

: Oh Righty, did you notice that you got some plates and screws in you?  You took a big dive for me that day, who knows what could've happened to me without you.

Lefty: He's got bling now too?  Why don't I get bling?  This is unfair.  He takes a vacation, I did all his work, he comes back, takes over what is now MY job, and I go back to butt scratching duty?

Righty: You're good at that though.  Plus it's kind of nasty down there.  I'm used for a lot of things so I can't be touching down there.  Infact, you can continue the wiping duty, I never enjoyed it, but you're good at it now.

Lefty: No, you can go back to wiping!  That's not fair, none of this is.

Me: I like that idea.  Lefty, you're in charge of wiping.

Righty: Thanks.  So uh, where's that girlfriend of yours?  I could go for seeing her and touching her beautiful, soft hands.

Me: Oh, you didn't hear?

Righty: Hear what?

Lefty: Nothing, nothing to hear at all.

Me: She broke up with me.

Righty: Aww that sucks.  We all looked so good together.  What happened?

Lefty: Nothing happened.

Me:  Well, you know how at stores there's sometimes two doors and one says "Please use other door", and you never go in through that door or you'll get yelled at.

Righty: Yeah… oh… yeah?  Lefty didn't…

Me: He entered that door.