An age old question indeed. Bears come in all shapes and sizes, colors, and demeanors. However if there is one thing that Stephen Colbert and Grizzly Man have taught us it's that no matter how fuzzy and cute bears might seem, they eventually fall back into their vicious, and ultimately tragic habits.

I caught up with a few of our favorite bears of yesteryear and found that time has indeed been beary, beary painful.

5. The Berenstain Bears
The Berenstain Bears were the classic simple country bears: Pa, Ma, Brother and Sister bear and occasionaly their weird naked ogre of an Uncle Too-Tall Bear.
 


Where are they now?
Pa and Ma were killed when a tornado ripped through their tree rental park. After several restraining orders Sister Bear struck up an incestuous relationship with Too-Tall, having two cubs: SisDaughter Bear and Dipshit Bear.
Brother Bear moved to the city, but found homeschooling didn't qualify him for any jobs, and one night while squatting in a tree the local animal protection tranquilzed him but missed catching him with their net and he fell 50 feet, breaking his neck. The video of his death got several thousand views on youtube.


4. Teddy Ruxpin
Teddy was the adventurous type of bear. He spent most of his time flying around in a hot air baloon looking for crystals with his caterpillar friend Grubby and being chased by copy-right infringing goombas.

Where is he now?
After prolonged crystal usage Teddy's motorized bottom jaw was corroded until it fell off and he was eventually found comatose under a pile of old sneakers in the garage spewing sentences in half-speed rewind about some nonsensical "Treasure of Grundo." 

3. Bear Grylls
Bear Grylls is the quintessential rugged bear. He enjoys being outdoors and rummaging around for his food. He'll eat anything while he's out on his treks, bugs, grasses, hotel room service ….

Where is he now?
In an attempt to bolster season ratings by having celebrities tag along, Bear followed up his Will Ferrell episode with one featuring Britney Spears. However after becoming hopelessly lost in the jungles of the Congo, Bear was forced to eat her. STDs aside, Bear absorbed a lethal dosage of anti-depressants, painkillers and 'Curious' – and Bear passed away. Ryan Seacrest later tastelessly quipped, "I guess she was 'Toxic' after all."

2. Baloo
Baloo was the indutrious bear. After landing spots in Disney's Jungle Book and Robin Hood, Baloo felt he was being typecast. He tried to break out in a short but failed tv series 'Talespin.'

Where is he now?
After fading from the public eye for almost 10 years, Baloo landed a bit on another primetime TV show in 2007: Dateline's "To Catch A Predator."

Chris: "Your on 'To Catch a Predator', anything to say for yourself?"
Baloo: "I'm … but… well of course I'm a predator."
Chris: "Of course you are, that's why you brought the bunch of bananas I asked for."
Baloo: "These? Um… these are just the bear neccessities."
Chris: "I'm sure they are Baloo, or should I say … MowgliLover15."
Baloo: "RAWR!"

1. Winnie the Pooh
Winnie the Pooh was the cuddliest of all childhood bears. Unfortunatly his affection for "Hunny" became a full blown addiction.

Where is he now?
After ballooning up to over 400 lbs, the morbidly obese Pooh could no longer leave his tree. Rabbit was the first to cut of ties, citing 'tough love and garden work' and for a while Winnie relied on the weak-minded Piglet to enable his need for Hunny, until Piglet too broke down in girlish tears and refused. After getting his head stuck in a jar for three straight days, Winnie realized that he had hit rock bottom. He and Eeyore entered a suicide pact. Winnie's body wasn't found for a week. Reportedly the smell was so bad neighbors a thousand acres away could smell his decomposing stuffing. 

The moral of the story folks: Don't trust bears - or anyone else who doesn't usually wear pants.