Office. JENNA approaches ADRIENNE.


JENNA
Hey Adrienne, did you notice anything different about Scott today?

Adrienne looks over to SCOTT at his desk. Scott is short, fat, bald, pimply, GROSS.

ADRIENNE
Is that boil on his face gone?
(looks closer)
No…it's still there.

JENNA
But today…I want to suck on his boil.

ADRIENNE
Eww! Do you want to hook up with Scott!/center>
Scott stands up. REVEAL: he has a big BUDGE in his pants.


ADRIENNE (CONT'D)
…Because I call dibs. Wait! What's wrong with me!?

JENNA
It's him. Something's bulgingly different.

ADRIENNE
And do you smell that manly aroma…coming from his…pants…

JENNA
Do you think he'll want to have a threesome with us?

ADRIENNE
I sure hope so…

JENNA/ADRIENNE
I'm so hungry for Scott. But why

Lights go down. SPOTLIGHT on Scott while he RAPS.


SCOTT
Listen up my uncool Guys,
I've found a way to be so fly,
Even though I have pimples
on my face and on my thighs,
I've found a loophole, no jokes, no lies.
Every lady in the house
wants to fuck me that's a fact,
Know why? – I'll tell you "
there's a salami in my pants.

Scott does a GYRATING DANCE.


SCOTT (CONT'D)
I know what you're thinkin'
That sausage's surely stinkin'
It's weighin' on my ball sack,
It's makin' me sweat,
But I'll tell ya,
no worries "
The sweating's makin' me so dirty
My stench is attracting the opposite sex:

Adrienne and Jenna run over to Scott, fondling him.


SCOTT (CONT'D)
Vegans, Puerto Ricans, only hotties, crazy bodies
I don't care,
be prepared, your gunna lose your underwear,
Cuz my irresista-licious style
stems from my lips and my saliva.

Adrienne SNIFFS Scotts pants.


SCOTT (CONT'D)
I'll make you scream, I'll make you shout,
I A+ will eat you out.
But in fucking I get an F,
Never touch my dick, Bitch,
I'll smack you in the head.

Jenna grabs at Scott's dick, Scott smacks her.


SCOTT (CONT'D)
Forever and a day,
This, my sausage mystery stays.
Too terrible to bare the truth –

Adrienne yanks down Scott's pants " Scott wears a SALAMI SAUSAGE attached to a JOCK STRAP. Adrienne yanks off the sausage to reveal Scott's TINY DICK:


ADRIENNE
- Holy crap,
you're dick is the size of my canine tooth.

SCOTT
Does dick size really matter
when you're screaming in orgasmic pleasure?

ADRIENNE
You freak, yeah it does.
And that salami was my lunch.

Adrienne holds out the salami.


ADRIENNE (CONT'D)
Still want to have a three-some, Jenna?

JENNA
Yeah of course! More than ever.
(pause)
But…without the smell it's not the same…

Scott grabs the Salami from Adrienne – reattaches it to his Jock strap. Adrienne and Jenna breathe in deeply.


JENNA
That aroma! I think I just came.

ADRIENNE
(echos)
Me too…let's go:

Adrienne and Jenna lead Scott to the broom closet:


SCOTT
There you have it fellow men of unfortunate deformations,
The meat section in the grocery store, is your erotic destination.

End