The Vampire Cult: This cult, by definition, means that they only meet at night. (citation needed) They all wear black clothing with black eyeliner. The cult has a big economic gap straight down the middle, which is easily observable. The rich ones wear black leather while the poor ones look like bus boys. Pros: All the red juice you'll ever want. Cons: The more involved you are the more nocturnal you become.

The Parkour Cult: Parkour, or Free-Running, is a cult that generally only meets at night and then just runs around doing flips and handstands on park benches and slow moving people. Pros: You'll get in shape really fast. Cons: Cramps, sprained ankles, shin splints, and countless groin injuries will all most likely occur, plus if you fall they keep running without you. They stop for no man.

The Vending Machine Cult: Generally only meet at night as well, this cult will stand next to a vending machine all night, bragging to each other about what they're going to buy and snack on. But they never buy anything. They just stand there saying they will. Pros: Every time you walk past a vending machine you'll see someone you know. Cons: There are only two ways out; buying a snack, or starvation.

The CKC: Or the Computer Kids Cult; you'll find these guys at your school's cafeteria during prime lunch hours, typing away on their computers, reformatting G4 files and hacking into the mainframe or whatever it is the nerds do. Pros: Your Computer Science class will be a breeze after hanging out with these h4xx0rs or whatever they call themselves. Cons: Permanent loss of sex drive and sex appeal.

The Ultimate Frisbee Cult: At first you just hang out with these guys to play Frisbee. They ask for your cell number and email to "contact you when they're playing a game somewhere." And at first that's what they do. But then they call you to come to a party that they're throwing. So you go. And it's a sausage fest. They're just standing around drinking beers and playing beer pong. Then they start calling about other things. Just to hang out one on one. To grab a Frisbee because they lost theirs. To snort cocaine off their boner. Suddenly you're knee deep in morning dew and semen and you're stuck worse than if they had run a Wrap Around on your Inside Flick. And then one day you ask one of the newer guys for his number and some cocaine, and the cycle continues. Pros: Frisbee and free beer. Cons: Imagine Johnny Depp in Blow mixed with Bro Rape.

The Sticker Cult: The most underground, mysterious cult of them all. I've been researching them for 6 months now and haven't even found a lead. But everyone has seen evidence of them. Just look at the stop signs and certain buildings around your campus. A good amount of them are covered in stickers. Who are these invisible men who travel around with stickers, planting them on traffic signs and street lamps? Pros: If you can join this cult then you're set for life and everything forever. Cons: As if they'll accept a scrub like you among their elite.