Give yourselves a pat on the back, friends.  Because today, we are all officially as successful as Stephen Baldwin. (Celebslam)

To us!

This week, Jude Law made headlines after he punched a female paparazzi in the back of the head.  Apparently Urban Dictionary was loading too slowly, so he only got half of the instructions. (WWTDD)

The Jackson family is determined to sue this week, after deciding that someone must take responsibility for Michael's death.  Since it's clearly not Michael's fault that he was self-medicating. (WWTDD)

After Entourage took a dig at Seth Rogen this week, the actor responded, saying he never had and never would watch the show.  Then Jason Segel made him breakfast so Jonah Hill could drive him to a meeting Judd Apatow set up for him. (WWTDD)

The star of Burn Notice was arrested this week after driving drunk straight into a police car.  He then resisted arrest by running directly into a nearby jail.  You crazy famous people! (Celebslam)

The teaser trailer for Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland leaked this week, and according to this, The Mad Hatter is the main character.  Of Alice in Wonderland.  Sorry, chick who was cast to play Alice.  You don't look insane enough. (Popoholic)

Mickey Rourke was drunk this week, and not 55-year-old sleepy-drunk, straight up college kid drunk.  After stealing a statue from a bar, he then proceeded to get in a fight with a traffic barrier.  Later that night he puked in his roommate's laundry hamper and fell asleep face-down in the girl's hallway.  College! (Celebslam)

Lindsay Lohan starred in her own cliched rom-com this week after Sam Ronson angrily threw her clothes out a window.  Luckily Lindsay found a first edition copy of Sam's favorite childhood book, so they're back together.  (WWTDD)

Lady Gaga showed up to an interview this week in a shroud of Kermit the Frog heads, officially making her the Cruella DeVille of Terrible Outfits. (WWTDD)

This week, a shot of Fergie grabbing a bulge in her crotch helped prove once and for all that people love calling Fergie a dude. (Hollywood Tuna)

You know that picture where when you look at it one way its a gross old lady and you look at it another way its a hot chick?  That's how I feel about Lisa Rinna in a bikini.  Can someone be both Hot AND Not? (WWTDD)

Whitney Port, of The City fame, also hit the beach this week, wearing what can only be described as the worst bikini ever.  She looks like a Playboy Playmate from 1975. shudder (Egotastic)

Cleave of the Week!  You guys remember Carmen Electra, right?  Well Carmen Electra remembers you, and here's the cleave to prove it. (Derekhail)

It looks like Paula Abdul will not be returning to American Idol next season, as the new season starts August 6th and her contract hasn't been renewed yet.  You mean half-coherent thoughts aren't worth 2.5 million dollars a season?  Weird. (WWTDD)

This week, a stage being built for Madonna's show in France collapsed, killing two people.  But it's totally worth it, the special effects are going to be SICK, you guys.  There's going to be smoke and everything. (IDLYITW)

So you know how Katherine Heigl is a notorious bitch?  Well this week she went on Letterman and set the record straight – by immediately complaining about her long hours.  Excuse me if I don't feel bad for you, you famous working actress you.   Your dress costs more than my apartment. (IDLYITW)

And last but not least, this week's Still Got It.  Drunkypants Cameron Diaz really gave it her best, but a terrifyingly demonic Milla Jovovich is the clear winner this week.  Apparently, Resident Evil is not just a movie, it's a lifestyle.  Congrats, Milla!  You've Still Got It. (Celebslam, Hollywood Tuna)