Cora: Aaawww shiaza labeouf
what did I do last night?!!
Lauren: I'm so glad you called, you disappeared.
Cora: So drunk dude. I must have slept with fifty thousand people. Jagger: Shame spiral central. I either blackout, sleep with fifty thousand randoms, or eat a smorgasbord of Fritos. Yaaaah, insane night.
Lauren: That explains the sex tapes.
Cora: Aaawwww shiaza minnelli, there's a sex tape?
Lauren 23 different ones thus far. Search Cora and it says Did you mean: Cora Roberts sex tape. One of them is with a girl. Not a hot one. Also a video called "I feel bad for these Fritos."
Cora: Don't watch that.
Lauren: Too late. It was vulgar, Rogan video vulgar.
Cora: Seth Rogen?
Lauren: Joe Rogan.
Cora: Is nothing sacred?! I can't have one night of fun without 23 sex tapes being made. Gosh, seriously though, last night was a supermarket sweep of action: a threesome, a ventriloquist, the entire cast of "Spoken Word: The Musical," Elliot Remington, a freelance firefighter, half of Idaho, the football team- the entire team, everyone from the quarterback to the..ptsch..other positions
Lauren: You had sex with Elliot Remington! I shottied him months ago! Come on, you knew I liked him.
Cora: Maybe. Definitely. I was drunk!!! Don't make me a villain, I am a victim. A victorious victim whose vagine gets peen while the rest of you drink green apple martinis and have dinner with boys in button down shirts so you can talk about your childhood, like it's interesting, and validate each others inadequacies and go out for ice cream and call each other sweetie, but that gets so boring so fast and you're just trying to get laid but don't want people to think you're a
Cora: Throw the double standard in my face. I can sleep with 50 000 people, and I'm a pimp ass player, but as soon as one of them is Elliot Remington, I'm a slut. I am woman hear me soar.
Lauren: You are so diseased.
Cora: Thanks Gardasal. Next time I need advice I'll visit the convent where you're teaching grade eleven health. And FYI, I am in love. Every needle has its haystack and last night I found my soul mate.
Lauren: You're in love? With who?
Cora: His name is not important.
Lauren: You don't know what his name is? So what did he say?
Cora: It is not so much what he said but what he didn't say.
Lauren: He said nothing. He didn't even talk to you, did he.
Cora: Unspoken words are loudest.
Lauren: You are never going to see him again.
Cora: I don't love with my eyes, I love with my heart.
Cora: Jealous. Why can't you just support me and my new found love.
Lauren: I'm not jealous. I'm pissed off that you fall in love every
Saturday and ditch us.
Cora: Fine, I'll stop latching on to any guy that gives me attention if that will make you less needy