1. Any tee shot that misses the fairway shall be deemed playable if it lands upon an adjoining fairway.
1a. Any tee shot shall be deemed "f*cking sick, bro" if it lands upon the intended fairway.
2. Beer shall be consumed at a rate of one drink (sip) per stroke, at minimum.
3. Mulligans shall be awarded whenever the ball striker deems, "Sh*t. Hold on dude let me hit another … sh*t."
4. It is a "bitch move" for a golfer to pick up their ball when performing poorly on a hole.
5. If a ball is hit into a water hazard on a balmy day, one is permitted to retrieve it under the stipulation that they are already wearing their Hollister board shorts.
6. Golf carts may be driven anywhere.
7. When scoring, a double-par limit shall be imposed on all scores exceeding such. This scoring is applied on a per-hole basis.
8. One may take as many practice swings in the bunker as they desire.
8a. Raking of the bunkers is optional, but strongly discouraged.
9. If the trailing group is golfing at a faster pace, they have no right to play through, and are assholes for trying to.
10. Cell phone use is highly encouraged, particularly during others' backswings.
11. If a ball comes to rest beneath a tree, one may throw the ball as far as they are capable, without penalization. This is also applicable to shots which come to rest in tall grass, on a cart path, and/or too far away from the hole.
12. It is requisite for each golfer to emulate Happy Gilmore's swing mechanics on at least one occasion per 18 holes.
13. The girl driving the refreshments cart welcomes all forms of sexual and verbal harassment.
14. If one takes aim and successfully strikes a living animal with their tee shot, be it a goose, squirrel or fellow golfer, high fives shall be awarded.
15. All putts within 10 feet of the hole shall be proclaimed "gimmes."
16. When every golfer runs out of golf balls or beer, the round shall be proclaimed over.