It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
Hey Chad, you know how you always complain about how dim it is in your room and your bathroom? Well, we replaced all your lights with 15 watt bulbs because we're tired of paying ridiculous electric bills because your dumbass can't flip off a switch. Oh and if you've ever wondered why your internet suddenly slows down while you're doing the dirty deed, I set the wireless bandwidth on the router to 5 kb/s for your computer. You don't leave your upload speed on your torrent program to Unlimited.
George Shinn, University of Iowa
My roommate freshman year was a lightweight, but he insisted on drinking twice what he could handle every other night. I was forced to take care of him on those nights. Eventually I made him pay me $20 every night, but he would never remember it. When that wasn't enough I decided to give him his hamper, full of clean clothes to throw up in. Finally, one night when I had enough I went to the party and waited for him to take out his wallet for the customary $20. Then I snatched the wallet and drove off. I went to WalMart and bought a 30" TV and a Xbox 360, several games games and Live, then placed the wallet on his desk. When he came home from the Police Station after being arrested for underage drinking, possession of weed, and resisting arrest I had already moved out. LEARN TO HANDLE YOUR LIQUOR MIKE!
John Kaedy, School Not Given
To Angie. Remember that party the weekend before I broke up with you? The one where you got really drunk on southern comfort, and tequila shots? You didn't say anything, but you woke up in a puddle of vomit and piss. I know this because when we got back to your apartment, you needed to throw up, but couldn't walk to the bathroom. I gave you a bucket, and let you vomit for a while before I tucked you into bed. Then I poured the bucket of vomit on you, and pissed on your bed before I left. That's what you get for cheating on me with that douche from your biology class.
David Shown, IUSB
My former roommate is a stripper with a typical stripper mentality. She'd leave half eaten plates of food around the apartment for weeks on end then complain about the smell, use the entire apartment as her closet, call me at work (15 miles away) to tell me we need toilet paper when there's a drug store less than a half block away because she's too busy to get off her back, expect me to do all the grocery shopping and not to mention clean up after her and her flavors of the week. So after two years of this I finally had enough. I left her laptop open on a page about herpes (which was just the second of the four venereal diseases she had contracted in the two years I lived with her). She thought she'd get me back by having her boyfriend jizz in my shampoo and body wash and by using my toothbrush to clean the toilet. She thought I was dumb enough to use anything of mine left in the bathroom when I actually had been using my travel sized toiletries I kept in my car. rnNewsflash dumbass- I pissed in the apple juice. You, your dipshit coke-head boyfriend, father, fathers girlfriend, sister, and niece all drank it. Oh, I also peed in the pineapple juice
and the orange juice. Actually, I peed in pretty much every bottle in the fridge. MMM love those cosmos, don't we?
Submit yours here!