Issue One Hundred and Nineteen
It would probably suck to be Alice Cooper's kid and have to go to summer school.
I stopped a cannibal from eating me by lying on the ground for 5 seconds.
Should a deaf child's mother wash their child's hands with soap everytime they swear?
Who doesn't love shark week?!?
Oh…right…probably victims and their families.I came out of the closet to my parents last night…
Scared the sh*t out of 'em! I think the best part about being tried as an adult in court is you can have cookies as your last meal.
I wouldn't say I believe in God, but I do believe in something bigger and higher than us. Thats why I believe in a bear on stilts.
I get high on drugs because they haven't developed a way to smoke life yet.
Mistaken
During a fight the other day my parents told me I was a mistake. I didn't understand because I thought I was adopted. My Dad said he was just trying to rent a boat. Ever since I got pregnant, everyone asks whether I'm hoping for a boy or a girl. I just hope my penis still works after it comes out.
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