Issue One Hundred and Nineteen
It would probably suck to be Alice Cooper's kid and have to go to summer school.
I stopped a cannibal from eating me by lying on the ground for 5 seconds.
Should a deaf child's mother wash their child's hands with soap everytime they swear?
Who doesn't love shark week?!?Oh...right...probably victims and their families.
I came out of the closet to my parents last night...Scared the sh*t out of 'em!
I think the best part about being tried as an adult in court is you can have cookies as your last meal.
I wouldn't say I believe in God, but I do believe in something bigger and higher than us. Thats why I believe in a bear on stilts.
I get high on drugs because they haven't developed a way to smoke life yet.
MistakenDuring a fight the other day my parents told me I was a mistake. I didn't understand because I thought I was adopted. My Dad said he was just trying to rent a boat.
Ever since I got pregnant, everyone asks whether I'm hoping for a boy or a girl. I just hope my penis still works after it comes out.