A middle-aged man stares intently at a computer screen, furiously clicking.
Worried Wife: My husband didn't used to be this way
he'd just check Facebook a couple of times a day like a normal person. Then, he started logging in a dozen times a day. I didn't know why, until he walked away to go to the bathroom and he left his profile up he had been on Farmville all this time. I couldn't believe that he was putting this stupid virtual farm before his family!
Psychologist: Farmville is a very dangerous, addicting game. One day, you're planting a few plots of wheat, maybe milking a cow or two the next, you're expanding your farm, buying tractors, and harvesting 24/7. I'm hoping it's not too late to save your husband. But you have to be careful when approaching him the game may leave him very moody and slightly trembling.
Psychologist enters the house. Man on computer looks up for a split second, then goes back to harvesting strawberries.
Psychologist: Sir, could you step away from the computer for a minute? Your family wants to talk to you.
Man: N-No. I just planted all these superberries an hour and a half ago and I have to wait for them to grow. And I need to collect all the duck feathers and pig truffles!
Psychologist to the wife: Is this how he usually acts while playing the game?
Wife: Yes, but I've never heard of ?superberries' before. Is he going crazy?
Psychologist: Nope, that's a limited edition crop that he's making a ton of coins off of. This problem's more serious than I thought. Can you and the kids start reading those soppy letters the producers made you write?
Wife: Um, ok, if you think that'll help. John, you and I have been married for 12 years, and I've never seen you like this! I mean, I understand that Facebook and Twitter are fun, but I never thought you would take them so seriously! I mean, just the other day, we were about to have sex, but then you jumped off the bed and went, "OH MY GOD, my pumpkins are gonna die!" and ran to the computer.
Husband: Well, can you blame me, they were about to wither. I got to them at the last possible second, I swear.
Psychologist: Alright, kids, why don't you take a crack at it.
9-year-old son: Dad, this Farmville thing has got to stop. I mean, it's bad enough that we're friends on Facebook. I don't want to be your Farmville neighbor, so stop inviting me! And it was pretty embarrassing that you were on your laptop during my whole little league game. You had to ask me who won after the game!
Husband: Little League games are boring as fuck. I don't even watch pro baseball, why would I watch a bunch of bratty 9 and 10 year olds play baseball? And for your information, I was buying a family-sized farm and plowing and planting all the land. I moved up like 3 levels that afternoon.
12-year-old girl: Dad, that was so totally embarrassing when you were picking me up from Sally's birthday party. Remember? You came up to me and my group of friends, and you went, "So, how's it going in the hood?" and you tried talking about Nickelodeon when you were obviously talking about Disney Channel shows, and then you asked them to be your Facebook friends so you could add them on Farmville, which was really creepy.
Husband: Whatevs, none of those biotches would add me anyways. They can suck it.
Psychologist: Well, it looks like we'll have to bring in the oh fuck.
Wife: What's wrong?
Psychologist: Do you have another computer? I just remembered that I planted like 50 plots of soybeans last night, and I have to harvest them, like ASAP, before they rot and I lose all those coins!
Husband: Here, use this one! I'll go get my laptop!