When I saw the new sex column on your site I couldn't help but think to myself, "I'm way more inexperienced than her, plus I'm incredibly horny…not to mention I'm an R.A., too.  That's Resident Advisor for all you in cyber world who don't know the terminology.

CollegeHumor didn't come to me per se, but I thought I'd take it upon myself to dish up my lack of knowledge to you guys.

Let's examine my Saturday night and see what lack of sexual knowledge we can glean:

2:30 am

World of Warcraft (WoW) has officially consumed my life.  I feel bad for Final Fantasy, how I have neglected her supple teat for too long. Rikku from FFX had the sweetest rack.  Zelda follows in a close third.

3:00 am

Hanging out with a couple of the guys: DK, Shiek, Pikachu, Link.  Mario and Luigi said they'd bring some food over later, I think Dominos. Still don't know what's going on noob? Umm…ever hear of a little game called Super Smash brothers? Want me to blow your mind right now? New SuperSmash game – SmashBros Dojo has some new characters. You guys guessed it – - Zero Suit Samus – - without her Power Suit of course.  Pretty sick bod for a cyber chick.  Her knockers could be a couple thousand pixels bigger. I'll talk to the tech guys over there, they'll make those babies Double Ds.

3:30 am

Oh, did I mention I'm watching LOTR too.  That's Lord of the Rings for you poor  newbs. How am I watching the tube and plapying the sticks at the same time? Picture and picture bitches.  Not that I need to though, I'm watching Star Wars Episode VI: Retrun of the Jedi on the second T.V. 

Eowyn = hot,  Arwen = hotter,  Princess Leia = hottest

4:00 am

I'm overly horny. Zelda is looking so good right now, you don't even know.  I tell you, if she was real I'd upload my removable zip drive faster than you can say, "I'm really sad and lonely."

I'm still playing Smash against the computer. Can you say major pwnage of n00bzorz?  It's Zelda vs. Zelda,  some hot girl on girl action going on.  Time to go, I'm gonna try to transfer a couple MBs of my data onto the rug before Zelda switches back to Shiek. 

Oops, guess I forgot the sex advice part.  I'll come up with some for next week. 

Lates norbs, 

Your Inexperienced, Overly Horny R.A.


P.S. For future reference, please leave your phone number, e-mail, or sn on my white board if you need immediate help with a computer problem or anything.  Seriously, anytime, I'm here. Just knock…please.