Preston wakes up with a massive headache. The last thing he remembers is that he only had one cup left…behind.

Preston: Where am I?

Lance: You're in the graveyard, noob.

Preston: Is this heaven? Are you God?

Lance: No way Brobocop, God is chill, but he's a nublet, can't hang..name's Lance.

Preston: What's going on?

Lance: Sheeeeesh! No wonder you couldn't even get to level 30, you're as dumb as Toe Jam…or Earl.

Preston: Level 30? Hey! I'm turning 30 tomorrow!

Lance: Not anymore Brobocop 2, you choked on a ping pong ball playing beirut with a bunch of highschoolers.

Preston: Weak.

Lance: Seriously! I go to the kitchen to grab some Pizza Combos® and half my men are dead.  One guy broke his neck falling off his computer desk.  Trying to hang up a Boondock Saints poster in the corner of his dorm so that it spanned from one wall to the other…I hate this level, nothing but bror-ons…

Preston: So what's the deal, do you just sit here and watch humans on earth all day?

Lance: Sit and watch?

Lance springs up and blasts a karate chop uncomfortably close to Preston's crotch, pulling back at the last second.

Lance: Were you sitting and watching when Solid Snake skull fucked Revolver Ocelot? Were you straight chilling when Link stuck a sword up
Ganondorf's leather cheerio? I don't think so quid bro quo.

Preston: So I'm like a real life Solid Snake??

Lance: No way, Kurt Russel is like a real life Snake. You were more like a peon in Warcraft 2…or a townie in Animal Crossing, or Ashley from Resident Evil 4 or Hugo from Hugo's House of Horrors or one of those little…

Preston: Shit man, I think I get the point…

Lance: Don't sweat it Shaq Fu, you can go chill with the rest of the Goombas and talk about how awesome it was to fuck up my stats, or whatever the hell
you Slippy Toad bitches yap about.

Preston: Do you have any Pizza Combos® left?

Lance: You can eat Lucky Charms® like the rest of the E.T.'s for Atari.

i>Preston walks over and pours a bowl of Lucky Charms

Preston: It's just the oats!