It's been just over a decade since we heard from the Ducks, so I did some research and found out what some of the guys have been up to.


Charlie Conway: After Graduating from Eden Hall, Charlie got a scholarship for hockey at the University of Minnesota.  Sadly, Charlie's knee was blown out in his first game after he tried to set up a "Flying V" against the University of Michigan. Unbeknownst to Charlie, none of the players on Minnesota knew what the hell a "Flying V" was. Nowadays, Charlie scratches his competitive itch by playing pick-up pond hockey with local youths in the Minneapolis area.  However, Charlie was recently charged with first degree assault to a minor after he attacked a nine year old who reportedly told Charlie that he "didn't know how to play two-way hockey."


Greg Goldberg: Realizing that his love for fried food and pastries far outweighed (pun intended) his love for hockey, Goldberg left Eden Hall during his sophomore year to travel to Japan and join the competitive eating circuit.  Soon upon his arrival, Goldberg's legend began to grow, as did his bust size. All over Tokyo people spoke of "The Disposal" and his mythical eating abilities.  Legend is that he had 3 stomachs, the ability to unhinge his jaw, and breasts the size of Okinawa.  Tragically, Goldberg's life came to an end when he choked on his world record 48th cow testicle during the International Eating Championship. However, in true Goldberg style, he released the foulest smelling fart anyone at the competition had ever smelled.  Seconds before he passed away, he raised his arms in victory exclaiming, "IT WAS ME."


Fulton Reed: Halfway through Fulton's junior year at Eden Hall, it was discovered that he could neither read nor write, and that he was 25 years old. Subsequently, Fulton was dismissed from school. Shortly thereafter, Fulton started a career traveling around the country participating in "Hardest Slapshot" competitions for money. Unfortunately, Fulton's career came to an abrupt end about one year ago. While practicing his slapshot in an alleyway in downtown Minneapolis, one of Fulton's thunderous slapshots went astray and struck a woman in her forehead, killing her instantly. Fulton is in the seventh month of his twelve year sentence.


Dean Portman: Much like his fellow "Bash Brother", Dean Portman's stay at Eden Hall was short-lived. Dean was dismissed from the hockey team after it was discovered that he had been abusing steroids throughout the season. Following a lengthy investigation by the school, it was discovered that Dean had been distributing steroids throughout Eden Hall shortly after he arrived during his freshman year. Dean was officially dismissed from school and brought up on charges.  At his trial, it was the key testimony by "Woo Woo Woo" Ken Wu that led to a guilty verdict. Wu stated that "Dean told me that if I wanted to be a real 'Bash Brother' I would have to get big and stop being a….'little twirling Asian bitch.'"


Sadly, it does not seem that The Mighty Ducks are succeeding like Coach Gordon Bombay had hoped.