The Wikipedia

This self-important, impressionable young man can usually be found at parties. He's the one wearing slightly more formal clothes than everyone else. Eager for social acceptance, he relies on his admittedly impressive knowledge of several interesting subjects to connect with guys and girls alike, before ruining it all when he takes things just that one step too far. "Did you know Paul McCartney isn't really alive?" He'll ask, frantically gazing into your eyes praying not to see that flicker of doubt he's so used to seeing. No, no I didn't know that, Wikipedia Boy. And neither do you.
Watch out for: Vandalism. As long as you're cooler than him, he'll believe and recycle anything you say.



The Digg
This guy's alright. No, really. He's pretty cool. He knows what's what when it comes to "stuff". It sounds stupid but "stuff" is an important facet of everyday life. We need this guy when we don't even know it. We're bored and tired and we want something funny/disgusting/interesting to watch or read and here's Digg, coming to the rescue with his always inspired (though sometimes a little dated) material.
Watch out for: The betrayal. Feel like showing digg something YOU found? Better hope it's not something he dislikes or has seen before. Be warned.


The Pandora
You'll see this girl on your first day of college. Your confused and excited state may even cause you to smile at her this one time, before you realize she'd never talk to you apart from when your chair leg has trapped her bag in the dining hall. And even then she won't awkwardly point and mumble like you would. Once you're close to her, though, all she'll want to do is set you up with other friends who are kind of like her but not exactly what you were searching for. Still, she's cute and thinks she's helping. So you'll just have to take it.
Watch out for: The Wildcard. Just for fun, or because she's too stupid to realize, she'll sometimes throw an absolute monster into the mix. Try not to panic, and calmly move on to the next one.


The Facebook
This skinny, awkward weirdo can be seen awkwardly hanging out after the vaguest invitations to something have been extended their way. Never without a camera to make sure they have proof of their social exploits, they'll annoy everyone there with invasive questions and bitter gossip about people they barely know. You should never have invited them. They'll be with you forever. There's no escape.
Watch out for: The poke. What even is that? They think it's charming and ironic when really it's just creepy. Not OK, Facebook.


The Twitter
This is the guy that was diagnosed with ADD in elementary school but still would never shut up. He's moved on from his amateur beginnings of talking for hours about what was on TV last night to being even more boring and insufferable. What he had for breakfast, how much he just paid for a meal in the west village, To him, this is the kind of stuff you NEED to hear. You can't get mad because he can't help it, it's what he does.
Watch out for: The retweet. The Twitter has a tendency to quote to make themselves sound smart and deep. They have no idea how stupid or aggravating it really is.



The Yelp
This self-important snob is one of those people who's appointed themselves the ultimate authority when it comes to going anywhere. They've honed their lack of normal social skills and any discernible talent into an abrasive trait whereby they'll pass loud judgment whenever you or any of your associates mentions any kind of public establishment. The worst part? They haven't even been there half the time.
Watch out for: Anything. These people are pure evil. Just stay away.