One day after going to the gym I went to my friend's house and a girl suggested to me via text that she give me a ride home. I never had time to shower. Before she dropped me off, we were making out in her car and she started licking my neck. When she came back up to my mouth, all I could taste was the salt from my sweat. She hasn't talked to me since.
My girlfriend and I were watching a college basketball game a few weeks ago. The announcer says "there are 2 minutes left in the first half." My girlfriend turns to me and asks "How many halves are there in a college basketball game?" She is no longer my girlfriend.
The summer before sophomore year of high school I had a boyfriend who I hadn't really done anything with. When it came time for us to kiss, he leaned in and literally sucked the skin around my mouth and stuck his tongue down my throat for minutes on end. Again and again. I went home at 7:30 because I "don't want to wake my parents up".
I had to spend an entire evening calming my (now ex-) GF down after watching Knocked Up. Her intense dislike of the male character's actions somehow led her to believe I would do the same things to her. Trying to explain why it was the chick's fault did not help my cause.
-Mike O., Boston
I'm a 6th grade reading student-teacher so I have a lot of kids books around. I was in my room during the day labeling the "Warriors" series with my classroom number. It's a book series about cat clans that fight each other in the woods. The covers are also pretty weird and fruity. I had them all spread out on my bed getting them in order. I left them out and later that night brought a girl into my room. She jumped on the bed and turned on a light and saw them all my cat books lying out under and around her. She left.
A few months ago I got really sick with a stomach virus. After 8 to 10 sessions of vomiting and diarrhea my girlfriend ended up bringing me to the hospital. They checked me out and ended up giving me an IV and meds. Some of the meds were muscle relaxers and some were narcotics. Needless to say, I was all doped up. That night we were in bed when she woke up because something smelled like "rotting fish." Because of all of the meds I didn't realize that I had involuntarily shit all over her. So being the good woman she is, she cleans me and the bed up and changes the sheets. This happened about 3 more times during the night until she made me a diaper out of bath towels.
I just started seeing this girl, and after a few dates we decided to take things to the next level. As thing get heavier, she says "You're so huge", to which I laugh and respond "Thanks for the ego boost but you don't need to say that", to which he says "No you are, trust me I've been with tons of guys"
The guy I'm with pushes down on my ovaries when we're having sex.
My ex-boyfriend tried to get me to give him a blowjob while he played World of Warcraft in his friends basement. His reason? So he could brag to his friend whose girlfriend refused to do it.
I was driving my girlfriend home one day, when in a conversation she asked, "What are bullets made from?" I told her lead. She replied, "Oh, that's not good for you."