No flash caligraphy.

Traffic Ticket
I got a traffic ticket the other day for not getting in any accidents. The cop told me he pulled me over for "wreckless driving."
-Silas VanSky
Thanksgiving at Norman Rockwell's House
"Wait, so we have to stay totally still and not eat anything until the painting's done?"
-Alex Schmidt
Brother
My brother is crazy. Crazy like a fox! Yesterday I saw him eating a possum on the side of the road
-Amir Blumenfeld
Math Question
If a 410 pound gorilla is running east towards the White House at 22 mph, and Whoopi Goldberg is 27 miles behind the gorilla, pursuing him on a motorcycle at 68 mph, how much acid did I do?
-Charlie K
Argument
I always used to punch any kid that said Mario was cooler than Sonic, then they took away my substitute teaching license.
-Caldwell Tanner
Board Game
Is it ironic that every time you hear the word "Monopoly", it's referring to the board game?
-Anton Senia
lol
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy, and all you see is his head and arms sticking out of the water? I bet he's not laughing out loud
-Anonymous
Disneyland
I bet Disneyland is like Disneyland for pedophiles.
-Conor McKeon
He Wonders
I prefer to think Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely?" was written out of a genuine question he had.
-Kyle Kramer
If you always carry the same "Lucky" condom, it isn't lucky.
-Sean Harmon