No flash caligraphy.
Traffic TicketI got a traffic ticket the other day for not getting in any accidents. The cop told me he pulled me over for "wreckless driving."
Thanksgiving at Norman Rockwell's House"Wait, so we have to stay totally still and not eat anything until the painting's done?"
BrotherMy brother is crazy. Crazy like a fox! Yesterday I saw him eating a possum on the side of the road
Math QuestionIf a 410 pound gorilla is running east towards the White House at 22 mph, and Whoopi Goldberg is 27 miles behind the gorilla, pursuing him on a motorcycle at 68 mph, how much acid did I do?
ArgumentI always used to punch any kid that said Mario was cooler than Sonic, then they took away my substitute teaching license.
Board GameIs it ironic that every time you hear the word "Monopoly", it's referring to the board game?
lolHave you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy, and all you see is his head and arms sticking out of the water? I bet he's not laughing out loud
DisneylandI bet Disneyland is like Disneyland for pedophiles.
He WondersI prefer to think Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely?" was written out of a genuine question he had.
If you always carry the same "Lucky" condom, it isn't lucky.