It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
Remember when you had me smell your nasty pot of broccoli-and-cheese that you let sit in the sink for two weeks? Yeah, it was pretty nasty. Well, I've been saving my courtesy sniff. I've also been saving a jug of milk in the back of the fridge for two months. It's actually fermented, and I've had to use adhesive to keep the top from shooting off. By the time you read this, I will have called in my courtesy sniff.
Jonathan H., School Not Given
Dear roommate, I should have known better to live with you again, I mean in the dorms your dirty nasty pads were stuck to the floor but you SWORE that you would keep all common areas clean, including your bathroom. Well, if "clean" is leaving the trash on the porch so animals rip into it, or not doing any of your dishes for 2 weeks so mold grows on them, or leaving dirty pads in your trash and bathroom floor, or empty chocolate milk mold glasses sitting on the coffee table, then yes, you have done a fantastic job of keeping the common areas clean! Well remember when I came back from home and cleaned everything? Even your nasty bathroom and dishes, well yeah I took that dishwater and poured some in your shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and a little into your apple cider. I hope it tasted extra tangy! Everyone knows that mold makes apple cider a little bit more festive for the holidays! Kiss kiss, hope the clothes you wear to class that the dog peed on makes you lots of friends.
E F, U of Cincy
Remember when I gave up trying to protest your overbearing OCD/hypochondria that you used to dominate our dorm? Yeah, that's about the same time I started having sex on your bed when you went home on weekends, or, you know, to class.
Sandra Flores, GMU
I lived with a total prick last year ate my food, didn't clean up, the whole bit. Around this time last year he was starting to apply to grad schools and was such a douche that he set up a bulk email to everyone he could think of that might have helped him get in profs, deans, secretaries even. He spent about a week perfecting the message. Oddly (to him) he never got a single response! I added a signature file to his email "PS I put myself through school as a male prostitute and so give great head. The first five are free if I get in." He deferred graduation a year and is trying to apply again this year with "Better grades and a stronger CV". Chances are, many people will remember him.
Al Shampine, UBC
Submit yours here!