The Drunk Uncle:

He opened his first beer to signal the start of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and has had another to honor each float, band and every time they mentioned Black Friday. He's joins the game late and after a couple plays he decides he is going to play center for both teams. Half an hour into the game he disappears only to be found before dinner passed out in the garden. 

The Maddenaholic : 

He's never played a sport in his life unless you count 21 years of John Madden's Football. He demands to play quarterback just like his boy Eli Manning, he starts off the game by calling an I-right-24-switch-halfback-option. Failed plays are the result of "bad blocking" from the Drunk Uncle.

Glory Days: 

He would have had a scholarship to a Division 1 school if it wasn't for the SAT's. His high school team won state in his junior and senior year. He doesn't understand the concept of two hand touch and has no problem blindsiding anyone from cousins to grandparents. 

The Person Who Doesn't Understand the Game: 

They don't understand the rules of the game. When they get the ball they run the wrong way or throw it to someone else. They stand off to the side and don't get involved. They constantly call touchdowns runs, goals or scores. 

The Actual Football Player: 

He's the star player on his schools team. He is 10 times faster than anyone else who is playing without trying to be. Every time he touches the ball he gets a touchdown.  He is the enemy of both Glory Days and the Maddenaholic.