I had been dating this girl since high school and on and off all though out college. We get into in a fight, and to prove how mad she is, she attempts to yell at me with my full name (like a mother would do). She yells, "Tony Anthony" followed by my last name
She didn't realize that Tony was short for Anthony
I wasn't dating her for her brains.
My (thankfully) ex-girlfriend has two Facebook profiles. One for her
and one for her cat.
Through a good four years of a serious relationship I had this friend who was constantly professing his love for me. After years of rejecting him, I finally realized he was the one for me. When I finally accepted his love, he had changed his mind.
Back in my senior year of high school, my (ex) best friend/girlfriend and I were making out lying on a dock in a park late at night. After rolling off of her, we both realized there was a guy standing a few feet away watching us. When I turned to look at him he exclaimed, "Woah! Phew. I thought you guys were dead," then walked away. When I got to college, I recognized what he smelled like: a lot of pot.
I've been dating this girl for a while now but I'm still not really comfortable passing gas while she's around. So the other night we end up watching a movie and I probably hold in about 8 farts. Right after the movie ends she takes me into her room, throws me on the bed and proceeds to jump on top of me in a very sexual manner. She landed on my stomach and the resulting fart was like a 5 gallon whoppie cushion. She literally ran out of the room.
Question, why is my girlfriend always at her horniest when she's on her period and covered in Vicks Vaporub?
I grew out a handlebar mustache and goatee for about 5 and a half months. At its peak of awesomeness I slept with two rather attractive girls in one week after not getting any for quite awhile. They both asked me to shave the stuff off so I did. I haven't had sex since.
My boyfriend sent me a text one morning saying there would be a big surprise waiting for me when I got home. I spent the rest of the day wondering what it was, entertaining fantasies of him buying me flowers, doing the dishes, etc
Ten exhausting hours later I walk in the door to find him standing there, pants around his ankles, saying "look baby! I shaved my balls! Doesn't it look bigger?"
My best friend is still with her boyfriend even after he told her that he doesn't find her attractive and half of his erections came from other women.
I was dating this girl for about a year when I got her pregnant. During her pregnancy she just kept telling how she couldn't believe she got pregnant saying "Wow you must have some super sperm cause I've had a lot of guys cum in me and I have never gotten knocked up!'' I kept telling her that wasn't really anything I was interested in thinking about
.she didn't get why.
My roommate got dumped by his girlfriend yesterday, and as she drove away from our apartment she ran over and killed his cat.