When Reading Days roll around, The Library truly transforms from the quietshelter of conscientious undergrads (see:losers) to a massiveconglomeration of pseudo-students who have finally decided to utilizetheir tuition money for something other than free football game tickets.

During the Pre-Finals rush, I get decked for the lib. I wear jeans, cologne,the whole bit…it's like an academic nightclub (For a table reservation, I believe it's a two-textbook minimum.)

So, with all this time spent at 'brary, (Club Richter as we call it here at UMiami), I have devised a list of things to keep the party going between hittin' the books.

1. People claim that horny co-eds use the Stacks for sex, try adding your own twist to the myth.

I like to jerk off behind the printer/copier.

2. Every so often, "accidentally" remove your headphone jack from your laptop..with the volume on high

Nothing rouses people from their study-slumber like Khia's "My Neck, My Back" suddenly blaring through a Macbook.

3. Yell "GUN!!!" and hit the deck*
Do not actually do this, but if you do, be prepared to explain to authorities how the Kid in the Slayer t-shirt's TI-83 calculator really resembled a Desert Eagle.

4. Study

*that smut from your ACC301 class's ass in those white stretchy-legging-sweatpants things (daaaaaaaaum!)

5. Take out a book
I mean…I've never heard of anyone removing a book from the library since middle school. I hypothesize that upon this request, the librarian (or specialized literary technician..whatever they are called now)'s head will spontaneously combust. Should be a good break from refreshing Facebook.