Rich people only like two things: money and weird names. Seriously, Ichallenge you to find a multi-millionaire whose kids aren't named aftereither a fruit, a geographical location, or an ancient god/goddess.Once you are rich you can't just give your child a "normal people"name.

The wealthy are a smart bunch. They are the only ones (until now) thathave recognized and taken advantage of what I like to call theNomeneclature Cycle. It's simple really. Here are the facts: richpeople give their children strange names, people with strange names are77% more likely to become famous, ergo de facto give your kid a weirdname and he/she will become famous. This cycle is perpetually drivenand brilliantly orchestrated by the most money-loving among us.

Until now this was only a theory. Little more than speculation. But nowI bring you the truth. Bubba Sparxxx and Joaquin Phoenix know itspowers. Now it's time the rest of us learn. But we cannot all simplyexplode onto the scene with absurd titles for our children. It would befar too obvious. We must be discrete. In order to take advantage of theNomenclature Cycle one must give their child a normal sounding namewith a hidden weirdness. The secret lies within the spelling. Remember,"Walk softly and carry a big stick (which you have named stupidly)."

Choose your first child's name from the following list of phonetically"normal" and therefore poor-people-acceptable names and they are sureto be judged solely on their names rather than their character, makingthem a likely candidate for the next child star! (Hannah Montana.Brilliant rhyming scheme.)

For example, if my parents had discovered the secret they would not have named me Nick, but rather Gniqk. (Dammit mom and dad).

Jake becomes Hgaaykc
Alex should be Aaiallickxs
Zach becomes Xakck
Katie becomes Cqaihteix
Becky becomes 3ekc-i (in the modern age of computers, numbers are the new letters)
Kelsey becomes KLC

The list goes on. No longer shall the poor be inherently less likely tobe rich. If a picture is worth a thousand words (research is stillbeing done) then a name is worth a million bucks.