As the spring semester approaches, so does the sad realization that you have to work to make money. Or do you?
Why not be entrepreneurial and try one of these jobs? They minimize work that you have to do and maximize fun and money. Money you can spend on the things that actually matter. Like booze and video games!
1. Become a Financial Assistant in Charge of University Hush Funds: No organization or school is too big to have no controversial issues and no school wants this information to get out. This is where you come in! Your job is to manage the money that will inevitably be sent out to hush those who know about any controversies!. Also you are so bottom of the ladder that in the event that someone finds out the university is giving out hush funds you wont be to blamed. Fun, Easy, and you get to work with money!
2. Plant Research Assistant: Now on paper this job seems like a piece of shit but that is only on the surface. Think about it: you get paid 8-10 dollars anhour learning how to tend plants and since you're most likely working with big nerds you can pick up their great how-to-avoid everyone methods. This will come in handy in case you decide to grow some of your own plants and don't want to be bothered. That's even more money and it's non taxable! Also a great job to finally answer the question all college-aged men want to know: Is that plant that comes out of the pipes in Super Mario Brothers real and if so how might I grow one?
3. Paid University Internet Troll: put all of your practice writing Fail and denying the Holocaust to good use! The job is simple you just constantly troll the topics that the university wants the most people to view. This creates a sort of reverse psychology effect where people will be drawn to whatever boring thing your college's president is talking about. The increased traffic will make the people in charge feel like people are actually listening to what they have to say and will allow more people to see how original your icon and troll posts are. You will get so much action once people realize you are just using hate speech to get people angry! Ka-ching indeed!
And the best possible spring semester job goes to:
4. Paid "terrible RA": The idea is simple. Housing hires you to do a terrible job as an RA so that the other RA's look better by association and like they are actually doing work. The beauty of this job is that it is literally your job to do what you already do best, slack off! Drink out of open containers, create a floor ice luge, do whatever the fuck you want! And if you ever feel like making more money or the unthinkable happens and the building you're in doesn't want to be known as "that building" just outsource! Just get together some friends and offer to contract out them as bad example RA's. They get to continue doing whatever they want and not only do you get paid to slack off you get paid to have other people slack off for you!