Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!
In high school I worked at a fast food restaurant. One day there was a father and his very overweight son who came in and were standing in line to order. After a few minutes the son abruptly pukes all over the floor in front of the counter, mid order. There was about 15 seconds of awkward silence as I stared in disbelief of what had just happened. The little porker, not one to turn down a meal, convinces his father that he threw up because he was so hungry and urged him to continue the order. The mess was cleaned and 15 minutes the large bulging sack of adipose tissue throws up again after eating. I guess he can blame that one on being too full?
I worked in a doctor's office over the summer. One especially hot day we had a man with a thick foreign accent call and ask, "Did you get my sample, I am concerned if you got my sample?" I looked in the lobby and at the backdoor and did not see any packages. Apparently he came by after hours and crammed a zip lock bag full of his own sh*t in the slot of our bio-hazard pick up container. Needless to say I was asked to clean it up.
-Adam U, Ohio State
I work as an English teacher in Daejeon, South Korea. One day I was doing an exercise with my students involving how to deal with troublesome neighbors. My students are mainly adults and a few of them are as young as 18. So when i asked them what they would do if their neighbors dog wouldn't stop barking I expected a reasonable answer. The majority of my students said they'd eat the dog.
-Evan, South Korea
I worked at a gas station during high school. When I was 17 a police officer came in at 6:15 AM when I had just opened the store at 6AM completely hung over. He ask me if I knew a person (whom I knew since it was a town of 500) and I said yes. He told me the person was armed and dangerous and I was supposed to called the county police if I saw him. Not even 10 minutes later this guy came into the store and filled his car with gas and talked to me for another 10 minutes about life while I was still bombed and by myself. After nearly sh*tting myself, he left and I called the police who returned just in time to chase the guy down. Talk about a great burning off the hangover day.
I used to work at a chain restaurant, the kind that specializes in sodium-laden, drenched in cream and butter "American" food. In addition to the masses of octogenarians, we saw a great deal of severely obese people. One night a grotesquely giant woman came in. She ordered 7 entrees and 4 deserts. While she did not finish all of them she did start sobbing into her pasta for about a half hour. She was also the only person in the restaurant so we couldn't help watching her eat and cry, eat and cry for almost 2 hours.
I'm an Asian eye doctor in South Carolina (not a lot of Asians there). Not too long ago, a Caucasian patient asked me where I was originally from. I said, "Chicago." He said, "Well, welcome to our country!" I just said, "Thanks!" and went on with my examination.
-Danny, South Carolina
I used to work at a small grocery store. Over the course of a week in the summer, every day I noticed there was a really heavy bag of garbage just sitting next to the outdoor garbage compactor. So after sitting there for a week in 80 degree heat all day, my manager made me throw it in the compactor. Of course the bag rips open and 60 pounds of rotting meat from the meat department dumps all over me. It happened in the begining of a six hour shift which I had to contine to work.
-Lucas, Grand Valley State University