(Obi-Wan Kenobi dies at the hands of Darth Vader. He becomes one with the Force and enters the Spirit Realm.)
Obi-Wan: Well, that was less than pleasant
(Just then, Qui-Gon Jinn appears in front of his old apprentice)
Qui-Gon: Well Well Well, if it isn't my old Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi. It's good to see you old friend.
Obi-Wan: By the Force! Master! is it really y-
Qui-Gon: My God, you've gotten old.
Qui-Gon: You must have had a great long life! Tell me, what ever happened to that boy we found how Tatooine? Anakoo was it? Anakar
? Anakar Starwalkin!
Obi-Wan: Anakin Skywalker.
Qui-Gon: Yes! Him! What ever happened to- why
why are you making that face? They didn't let him in the Jedi Academy did they?! Even after he won that race!?
Obi-Wan: No no, they let him in
at my insistence.
Qui-Gon: Well good. The force was strong with that one, you know.
Obi-Wan: Please don't say that
Qui-Gon: Obi, I'm a ghost, not a damn mind reader. Can you please tell m- why are you crying?!
(Obi-Wan wipes his ghost nose on his ghost sleeve.)
Obi-Wan: Fine! I'll tell you what happened to him. We taught him to be a Jedi, he was obviously very good
Qui-Gon: Damn right he was.
but then he got married
to the Queen of Naboo
Qui-Gon: Well, ok ok, so that's not that good, but it's just a little breach in the Jedi code- The Queen? Seriously? Wasn't she, like, 10 years older than him?
and then he gets visions of her dying, and so for some reason, he just joins the dark side.
Qui-Gon: Alright, that's pretty bad, but tons of Jedi join the dark side and then come back when their faces go weird. It's just a phase
Obi-Wan: He basically killed Master Mace Windu.
Yeah, but everyone wanted to kill that guy, he was such a douche. Never even smiled and was always like "I sense so much fear in everyone". Don't tell me you never thought of slicing his hand off and then pushing him out of a tall building. It's not like he killed Jedi younglings, am I right? chuckles
Qui-Gon: Are you freaking kidding me?! What the hell is wrong him?!
Obi-Wan: That's what i said! anyway
he later kills his wife.
Qui-Gon: WTF?! Why would he even do that?! Wasn't that the whole point of turning to the dark side?! TO SAVE HER?!
I didn't get that either
I eventually chopped off his legs and arm, and then left him to die in fire pit though.
Qui-Gon: Well, I'm glad it ended there
Obi-Wan: No coughs, my bad, I didn't actually make sure he was dead
so the emperor makes him into an asthmatic cyborg thing, and they both rule the galaxy with tyranny until they blow up a planet for no real reason.
Obi-Wan: Master? Are you alright?
Well now is probably too late to admit that i make really terrible decisions. Probably shouldn't have gone with my gut on that one
We really messed that up didn't we?
Obi-Wan: Tell me about. I had to live alone in the desert for 20 years to make sure his son doesn't become a homicidal psychopath like his father.
Qui-Gon: How's that going?
until Anakin killed me.
Qui-Gon: Ah. Well, that's a surprise
(Just then Yoda enters the spirit realm)
Qui-Gon: Master Yoda!
(Yoda looks at the two of them and frowns)
Qui-Gon: I know.