Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I work part time at a lingerie store so usually Christmas time and Valentine's Day are times when we have more male customers in the store than usual. So to increase sales, we are told to wear our best push up bras and lower cut shirts to try to sell more (I call it "whoring it up") This one guy came in, looked at all of the other sales staff and found me and said "I've looked all over the store and you are the only associate who I think can help me – my wife's boobs looked like yours twenty years ago… do you have any lingerie that will hold them up to make them look like yours again?" 
-K, Royal Roads University

I work in the kitchen at an old folks home. One night a patient took his food tray, ate his dinner, and proceeded to take a sh*t on the tray. Even worse, the nurse's aide looked at the sh*tty tray and thought the right thing to do was put it back in the cart to be sent back to the kitchen. Needless to say the smell when we opened the cart was pretty remarkable.
-Anonymous

While working at a store called "Family Video" I had a few fun times.  One time a long-haul trucker came into the store, rented some adult movies and went out to his truck.  He returned 30 minutes later to bring the movies back……
 -Tony

I work at a burger joint in Oregon. A few weeks ago a senile old woman came in and ordered a large fry and two sides of ranch. About five minutes later I walked by her table to see that she had poured both cups of ranch onto the table and was pretending it was snow as she "skied" around with her fingers using the fries as skis. She saw me staring and asked me if I thought the Russians would win the gold, I replied, "Probably," to which she thrust her fits in the air and screamed, "Damn commies!"
-Drew

I work at Whole Foods Market. In the store we have a big artificial tree in the middle of the store, I was working the register one day and I noticed as man pacing around the tree for at least 45 minutes. I went up to him and asked if he needed any help.  He then asked me if the tree in our store was in fact real, it took me 15 minutes to convince him it was fake.
-Max, Towson University

I work at a big-name fast-food restaurant, and a few months ago, a woman called up and asked for our corporate headquarters' number.  She went on to say that she had just watched a commercial advertising a special on Comedy Central.  She wanted to complain that our chain is advertised as a family-oriented restaurant, and shouldn't be showing commercials on a channel that has language and other assorted filth.
-Nick, Missouri

For approximately 3 1/2 years I was a master of the custodial arts…. or a janitor if you want to be a di*k about it.  This particular evening I was in charge of removing the overflowing trash carts from each trash room on each floor of the hospital.  Midway through this task I came across a human leg amputated just above the knee, hair and all…no it did not have shoes or socks.  I still can't believe to this day that this truly happened, but needless to say, The Med Research dept got a notice from House Keeping about properly disposing of donated body parts used for research.  
-Goose, Towson University