It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
Hey Roomie! Remember that one morning when you woke up, and neither your computer nor you cell would turn on, no matter how many different plugs in the room we tried, and you couldn't figure out for the life of you what happened? Well, I got sick and tired of the fact that you were constantly on your cell and/or Skype, yelling in Chinese, all hours of the night; the fact that you stunk up my refrigerator with all of your weird-ass concoctions; and that you left our room a constant pigsty. So I switched out the top-of-the-line surge protector (that you STOLE from ME) on your outlet with a super-old extension cord, and let faulty wiring do the rest. Have fun shopping for all new electronics!
Chelsi M., Oberlin College
My roommate this year was a guy who was nice looking I guess. He had a good attitude and got good grades. The only problem was that he stank so much your eyes would burn. I told him repeatedly to wash but he always ignored me. I had enough so with me being good with cars, I locked his car windows down halfway just before we went to the gas station. I went in to buy a few things and told him to go in the carwash. By the time he realized the windows were locked the water and soap filled his car and soaked him. And if your reading this roommie it serves you right for never showering.
Hey there Misa. You were so kind to me when I first started teaching in China. You were sweet, thoughtful and cute in that anime sort of way. But right now I'm staring at 15 plates of Chinese food, I have rice stuck between my toes because of your disgusting eating habits and your Ayumi Hamasaki CD is driving me INSANE. I want some Western civilization. So guess what I did? I took the USA to China. Have fun sleeping in some good ol' fashioned BBQ sauce.
Dana B., Peking Uni.
Now that I've graduated, I feel it's safe to tell about what I did. I had this roommate who had this thing for drinking my chocolate milk, right out of the carton! One day I had finally had enough of it, so I mixed some sesame dressing, mustard, and wasabi and put it in my chocolate milk, and then went to play Gamecube. About 20 minutes later I head a scream of AHHHH! followed by gagging and a faucet running. I sure as hell hope he learned his lesson: don't drink someone else's milk!
Alex McCord, Boston College
My roommate was a fat slob who never left his (my) television except to go to McDonalds. So after I moved out, I returned over V-Day weekend while he was at his GF's place, and got in with the spare I had made before I left. Then I put parental locks on the cable box, so that he can't watch anything on TV except during the hours of 4 and 7 am. And blocks on his PS 3, so that he can't play or watch anything without the code. The best part is I'm leaving for boot camp within a week, so no matter how many times he calls demanding the code, I won't even be able to answer.
B McCrafty, UMW
For my one fan: When I was in the military there was a guy that could not stand any fluffy white cotton. It would give him a feeling. This feeling can be equated to the convulsion of shivers you get when a chalkboard squeaks or something like that. Multiply that feeling to the point where you cannot move, and that is what happened to this guy. Q-tips were enough to get him to freak out, but when he really pissed me off I thought to up the ante. I bought a bag of cotton balls, and dumped them everywhere, then waited. When he arrived I thought he was having a seizure. He kept shaking and screaming until he got enough motor control to leave the room. I followed him out into the hall and squeezed one of the cotton balls in his face. He tried to hit me, but this white fluffy kryptonite was enough to disorient him and leave me unharmed. He left the base and called a senior enlisted person who he had assure him it was cleaned up before he would come back. Isn't war hell?
Joshua K., University of Cincinnati
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