Alright kids class started 10 minutes ago, so let's cut the chit-chat and start listening to old Mr.Belding here (his name's not Mr.Belding). Alrighty then .PUBERTY, it's a mystery. I mean why does it happen? I sure as hell can't tell you. When does it happen? I'll never know, who does. Why does it take away and ruin 15 LONG YEARS OF YOUR LIFE, (it's a widely regarded fact that puberty takes place to allow human beings to reproduce and it usually starts at age 9, also it doesn't take 15 years).
Let's talk about what really happens to you kids when you enter puberty, well you boys will DEFINITELY start masturbating (not a fact) and if ya' haven't tried it yet do so. Uh let's see here, you also get pimples and all that fun stuff that make you want to rip your skin off and die in a tire fire (he just referenced the iconic simpsons tire fire). Enough about you guys let's talk about the ladies, (he's previously been reported for that pelvic gesture he preformed when he said the word "ladies"). Guys lemme tell you, girls are gonna start being a bunch of Debbie Downers (kinda sexist), a bunch of Patty PMSers (inappropriate), a bunch of Mindy Menstruators (Oh god).
Now boys you're going to want stay away from girls when they're on their periods and even after their done with their periods, for the MONTH might I add; PMS they call it, so guys you might want to hit it and quit it before the next cycle has even started (honestly). However in order to do this you're going to have to be able to spot them hoes whos is menstruatin', lol (he actually said lol, not L-O-L but indeed lol). So there are some techniques you horn dogs can use to do this. For instance if there's blood gushing out of her vagina, to no end, like a satanic ol' faithful, then yes she's probably on here period (I don't even know how to spell the sound my vomit just made as it hit the floor, the best I can describe it is a hand slapping a Jello mould of a pig's ass). Another way to tell is probably the simplest method and therefore my favorite .A SIMPLE INFERENCE GENTLEMAN, I mean if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck and looks like a duck . it could easily be a goose or even a swan or any other duck billed question mark evolution has thrown at us as a GIANT FUCK YOU ..FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FRANK YOU FUCKING NOTHING BOY (I've gathered that his name is Frank. I know this because he's pointing at himself very closely, actually from this angle it looks like he's touching his eyeball that must be painful). Also, there might be blood gushing out of her vagina; did I already mention that? Oh well, it's worth a second mention, it's a fucking spectacle (and the pork butt takes it once again like a champ).
In conclusion (OK, it looks like his class is coming to an end. Thank god) kids don't do drugs (totally irrelevant, maybe this is a clever teaching technique). Remember, temptation killed the cat and I say that because I know you boys have tried every substance this side of Tallahassee (never mind, things are once again looking bleak. Also we are currently in Brooklyn) so who are we kidding here, you guys are no longer curious. Wait ..Wait speaking of curiosity I believe the saying is 'curiosity killed the cat' so . just take what I said flip it, turn it, twist it, bop it, and rewind it so it makes sense. (BRILLIANT, ABSOLUTE BRILLIANCE. THIS MAN IS A SEX-ED SAVANT)