Guy: I got a great idea for a show!
Guy: It’s about teenagers.
Man: Good. Kids love teenagers.
Guy: They’re teenage mutant ninjas. And they live in the sewer.
Man: What? That’s insane. And why would they live in the sewer?
Guy: Because they’re also turtles. They’re teenage turtle mutant ninjas, who love pizza, just like all mutated turtle ninjas do.
Man: Get out of my office.
Dude: New idea; I’m going to major in history!
Guy: How could that ever be useful?
Guy: Maybe you should minor in time-travel.
Guy: We should run those Cash for Gold ads on weird channels at 2 A.M. Because everyone knows no one has more gold than drunken college students.
Nike: Well, we paid hundreds of millions of dollars to Kobe and Lebron, so we should use them to sell shoes.
Guy: That’s actually a really good idea-
Nike: You didn’t let me finish. Except we don’t actually use them. We don’t actually have the super famous stars show up.
Nike: Instead we’ll use puppets.
Guy: Not…not Kobe and Lebron. Puppets. Instead of these two basketball legends.
Nike: And we won't actually show or try to sell shoes. Also, the puppets live together, for some reason. Also, they play basketball with Santa Claus.
Guy: Is this your fan-fiction?
Nike: No. This is the only way we can sell shoes. With puppet superstars. So hot right now.
Man: Jekyll, seriously dude, what the hell?
Jekyll: Wait! Uh, it’s not my fault! It's because I drink my magical elixir-
Man: That’s vodka-
Jekyll: And I black out. And then do all these terrible, terrible things.
Man: Still vodka-
Jekyll: And I wake up feeling awful.
Man: That’s because you’re an alcoholic.
Jekyll: No. My magic elixir turned me into another dude, so not my fault. Cool?
Jekyll: Trust me. I’m a doctor.
Man: You got your PHD in drinking.
Jekyll: Quiet you.
Klan: We’ll wear sheets and burn crosses. Because nothing says “The good guys” quite like ghosts burning
crosses attacking people.
Guy: And racism.
Klan: Right, that too. Everyone loves creepy, racist, violent ghosts.
Man: There is no way we’ll look like some sort of super-villain from G.I. Joe.
Klan: Of course not. We’re heroes. Murderous, hateful heroes. Who burn crosses.
Jon: Emily, I love you. Marry me!
Emily: I’m not convinced. You need to have 1,170,000 people to join a Facebook group.
Jon: What? Why?
Emily: Because that's how love works. Through internet campaigns.
Jon: Makes sense.
Emily: Maybe you can spam it, too.
Emma Watson: Doesn’t work.