Ah, Chatroulette.  A website inhabited largely by males who are gullible enough to think that every female they encounter will show some skin.  Ha!  This is Earth, remember?  You must be thinking of Fantasy Island (de plane, de plane!).

One would assume that since the majority of your chat partners on 'roulette are a slew of penises, males would refrain from visiting this site—sadly, my gender is not that…oh, what's the word…smawrt.  However, I have noticed that after the phallic onslaught, when a male finally is partnered with a female they believe the woman is a stripper.  No, instead many of these females use their allure to attract a male into their trap, and proceed to pwn them; much like a Venus Fly Trap, but more painfully.  Evidence of this can be seen simply by searching "Chatroulette girl prank" on Youtube.  There are so many guys that fall prey to this snare and once they untangle themselves from their epic fail…they walk right into another booby trap (pun intended).

I'm sure many of you are aware of the nature of Chatroulette, so I won't bother explaining the mechanics.  However, as this website continues to grow in popularity, I believe that the variety of pranks will also expand; making it the collective "wall of shame" from a woman's perspective.  This is perhaps the greatest opportunity for females all over the world to unite and finally administer total embrassment to their male counterparts.  Throughout history men have remained on top of the 'gender pwnage wars,' examples such as voting rights, higher wages for the same occupations, land ownership…NOT getting pregnant (technically that's life's fault, not ours), and so on.  It's about time women had a domain of their own where they rule, where they sit at the throne.  Chatroulette has made jesters out of men, we are used for female entertainment.  When a female receives a male partner on this cruel website, they finally have something to teabag us with…something we won't enjoy, that is.

So, my fellow 'danglers,' I would like to share a few things that could save you from a horrible fate that could end up somewhere on the internet for the world to see:

1.  If you encounter a female on Chatroulette, DO NOT GET EXCITED.  This is how they get you.  When you get excited, you aren't thinking clearly.  You're thinking about boobs.  Instead, try using the service for it's intended purpose:  to communicate with another human being.

2.  Should said female promise a 'reward' of sorts, carefully think about the terms.  Is she asking you to lick your toes, for example?  Chances are, it's a trap.  In this case make like Admiral Ackbar and sound the alarm.  Or, you could go with it…I mean, they're your toes afterall.  Just don't come crying when you wind up on Youtube romancing your feet.

3.  Look for evidence proving it is a live feed.  In some cases GIF's are used, or even looped videos.  And if this is the case, remember that whoever is on the other side can still see you and can still record you.  Check the background for continuity, wait for the loop to end, and so on.

4.  I cannot stress this enough.  If she is trying to prank you, then there will be signs.  Try changing the subject or the terms and observe the reaction.  If you are asked to lick your toes and you start asking her how the weather is, see if she jumps right back to the deal.  If she does, she's either pranking you, or has some sort of weird toe fetish…which is gross.

Well, that's about all the advice I'm going to give, mainly because there are girls reading this article and I don't want to give them any ideas or reveal our defences too much.  The rest is up to you.  After countinuously viewing guys pleasing themselves until you finally are partnered with a female, would you rather be pwn'ed, or 'F9'ed?'  The choice is up to you.

I would also like to address the masturbation issue on Chatroulette.  If you can't get someone to do it for you, then go watch porn.  No one wants to see you fondling yourself despite how pathetic and lame you appear.

Now the challange has been made; more awareness of your ploys will make it a bit more difficult for you to con a prospective victim.  I'm not trying to stop females from pranking males, instead I'm making it into a game…a test towards your creativity.  Unite and rain down hell upon 'man'kind…at least until we finally realize what a sausage fest 'roulette is and stop visiting the site in large numbers.  At that point, you can go pwn yourselves.

*Despite my over-usage of the toe licking example, I do not have a toe fetish…I saw it on youtube and thought it was funny.  Also, I bear no hostility towards the clever women that pwn the majority of guys on that site; many of them deserve it…I just want you to realize that if you continue at this rate, there will be no one left to pwn but yourselves…

*If you respond TLDNR (or any variation), you seriously need to go read a book.

*Also, I'm not condeming Chatroulette.  I think it's a great site that can be used to connect with other human beings on this massive rock we call Earth.  I'm surprised no one has thought of it sooner, and I salute the creators.

*This one was added just to piss you off….or make you laugh.  I don't care which.

-Brandon W.