I'm not saying my occasional status updates are flawless, and I can't guarantee I've never been defriended for one that irked someone (is there an App for that?), however there are some status updates and updaters that can almost be certain will have a declining friend count:
1- The updater who always talks about the gym. She's either going to the gym, leaving the gym, dreading the gym, at the gym, or sad she missed the gym. Chances are that she has an eating disorder. Not because she's obsessed with the gym, but because of her obsession with sharing with us, her obsession of the gym.
2- The guy who's, "never drinking again." Ok, we get it, you went out last night and are hungover. Go find an advil and some gatorade instead of updating your status. Or if you do want to share something with the world, give us better details instead of a fake claim. How many times did you throw up in public and where? How many bars did you get kicked out of?
3. Weekend worshippers. The ones who regularly update with "ugh it's Monday," and "happy it's Friday," If we're lucky we'll be reminded when it's humpday too.
4. The weather reporter. It's fine if you're excited that it's snowing once in a while but there's no room in a newsfeed for, "beautiful weather," and "it's so nice outside." If we wanted to know how the weather was in your zip code there are many other (and better) websites.
5. The dumb grammatical mistake. I'm not even talking about 'effect vs affect'I'll admit that one can be tricky sometimes. I'm talking about the basics: 'then vs. than,' 'are vs. our.' When in doubt, it's better to have no status.
6. Anyone who constantly puts up biblical quotes. Or any quotes.
7. Depressive and vague. I never understood why people having MISERABLE days rush to their computers to share their feelings with 782 other people. If you do want to share your bad day though, go all or nothing. Dump it all out with details, leaving nothing to question. Remember about 50% of your friend list is getting their news from their Facebook newsfeed before CNN, so ask yourself, WWCNND?
8. Song lyrics. Let Sean Kingston tell us that little shawty’s fire is burning on the dance floor, not you.
9. Play by play. The ones who are, "Waiting in line to board," "OMG, flight delayed 2 hours," "Finally on the plane, but sitting on the runway," "We're 8th in line to take off." The really unfortunate part is wireless internet being added on planes will introduce us to a whole new list of potential play-by-play updates.
10. Anything with the word 'Snooki' in it after February 1, 2010.