Intro needs more jokes

It's that time of year, a lot of students from college are starting to get replies back from the universities they have applied for. I have noticed how peoples personalities are changing as they get accepted or rejected. This is the start of a new era, the change that happens here will ultimately determine what kind of person they will be when they finally become a student, or in some cases a bum.

Quitters ~ messy, needs the ideas joining up better, more jokes

The quitters.

These are the people who say they have been accepted across the board, but for some reason unbeknown to them have decided that road sweeping could be an interesting career. They've decided that hanging around on street corners with a bottle of meths in a brown paper bag , carrying a brush may actually make them a good living.

Try to add more content

Whiners

These annoying little creatures seem to think that if they complain constantly to the people who care the least. They will magically end up being accepted by a university. However their future looks bleak. Their more likely to end up cleaning up shit at the local McDonald's.

Douche-bags ~ Needs more

Douche-bags

The douche-bags are those who are failing and don't care, they're going to a shitty uni, so what? They'll just stand at the college gate, smoking a joint, taking life as it comes. So laid back they're horizontal. Things will work out in the end. If not, they can always work at Tesco.

Stuck Up ~ Needs more ideas more jokes better structure

The stuck up b@57@rds

These mother-fuckers think their the bees knees. But there are two types of Stuck up b@57@rd. Firstly there are those who have been accepted into the countries best University. They want everyone to know. "I'M BETTER THAN YOU!" Quite often these people are created by their very pushy parents, the people who never made it through college. They're forcing their children to make up for their intelectual inadequacies. However, the fail to see, your son may be an honours student, but your still an idiot.

Then there's those who are no better than the next guy, but have an amazing ability to percieve the mediocre university they'll attend next year as the best. The strangest thing is, they actually believe that they are the intellectual equivalent of insert. Granted, these retards do have two brains, unfortunately, one's gone missing and the others out looking for it. This means one thing. Although they want to appear clever, they are easy to put-down. For example. A dude in my class the other day was being really stuck up, hounding everybody who said something slightly stupid in order to appear superior. All you need to say in this situation is this.

You: "Wow dude your the best contortionist I've ever seen, I've seen chicks, I could've sworn were made out of rubber, roll into balls and tie themselves in knots. But I've never seen anyone get their head so far up their own arsehole."

Them: Oh Haha! (Sarcastic)

You: People who say 'Oh Haha!' don't actually have a sense of humour, they just can't think of a witty retort."

Them: "…"

Conclusion ~ Tidy it up make it longer

So if your just about to go to University, be careful. Take a good look at the person your becoming. And decide whether or not you need to change. Before it's too late…